[pinkroses]

First of all, it's not me who is, it's my mother. I just want to get some opinions from you all. My mother has been involved with someone for several years now. She even bought a house in the town he lives in to be conveniently close to him. She has extreme hatred toward this man's wife, she acts like the wife is the "other woman" instead of her. I really love my mother and I get tired of seeing her in pain all the time.

This man is involved in an extracurricular activity that sometimes takes him to out of town shows. She always goes, even though his wife is always there. So she lurks in the shadows and waits for bits of time here and there to talk to him. She tells me she always comes home from these shows hurting and upset. What does she expect??? I think one of the reasons for the longevity of the relationship is the fact that they ride to work together every day too.

I try to avoid saying too much, and I can't throw stones because I'll admit, a few years ago I had a fling with someone who was married too. But from the very start I knew it wasn't going anywhere, and I kept my heart guarded for the day it would be over. It wasn't easy to be cast off as I predicted I would be, but I was a much happier person when I broke away from it, and started respecting myself more too. I also know without a moment's doubt I would never, ever ever in a million years do it again. My mother is 60 and she's given up on ever finding a quality man in her age group. She insists there is no one like this guy she is involved with.

She is settling for half a life with him, with a lot of pain, and none of the good qualities a relationship should have, as far as trust, freedom, monogomy, etc. I finally told her this in an e-mail yesterday. She didn't answer me, she's probably hurt or put out about it. All she ever wants me to say is positive things about the relationship, but I'm getting tired of skirting the issue and being supportive about something that is so wrong. She knows I don't judge her, I'm just tired of seeing her do this to herself. I'm not sure she even sees the wrong in it or the angst she's going through anymore. Is it so terrible of me to want her to have a higher quality of life than she is having? My mother is a highly intelligent and wise and attractive woman, I just don't comprehend some of the things she does in the area of relationships.

Can anyone relate or have any tips to give me?