[almostthere]

I feel like I am posting way to much on here. I guess because my heart and head arent matching here.

My bf and I went out drinking before Thanksgiving and he was a little buzzed. I asked him to let me drive him home (we drove seperately) because I barely had anything...2 beers. He said no he just wanted his truck home. Long story short...I ended up picking him up at the police station. His truck was towed because he didnt have insurance. Well...he's broke all the time and I tried to help him out financially to get his truck back but it was $800 and I am a single mom of 2 young kids. I need to take care of them too. Since that day he has been driving my car all day long. He drives me to and from work everyday. I was fine with helping out...but its January already. (That last sentence makes me feel bad that I think that way).

He hasnt been working lately...heating and a/c is slow for him right now...and he has absolutely no money. So I have been picking up dinner for me, my 2 kids, him, his 3 kids, his brother and his older stepson. Its killing me. I have been paying for the gas he is using. I have been buying him all of his cigarettes. I am bouncing checks, struggling with my own bills, going broke all the time and having trouble doing anything for or with my own kids because I have no money. (I feel selfish for thinking of taking care of him as a burden).

I just need a little time alone. I drive my car once a week if I am lucky. I used to have my exh milk off of me through highschool in much the same way. I know my bf doesnt mean to. I know he is trying to find a better job, get his other truck fixed so I can have my car back. I know hes trying but he keeps saying Feb or Mar. I cant wait that long. I am drowning and thats not fair because I am not supposed to be. But I want to help. I just cant. I work two jobs already just to support me and my children. I cant do anything more. And I feel horrible.