[hbeezee]

Some may have read a few of my other posts about this woman. I think I'm at my wits end...

We met, fell in love, dreamt about the future, and saw each other as often as we could (long distance thing... but we see each other for a week at a time 2 times a month)...

Things were perfect as they could be for being long distance. All of a sudden, she began having flashbacks and dreams of her ex who was abusive... they were together for 2 years but had been broken up for the last year. She began to turn cold toward me, and think about her past.

Holidays are here... I went to see her for Thanksgiving. Stayed 10 days. Surprised her on the first day.. we made love that night.. AMAZING!!! The next 9 days... NOTHING! She cried herself to sleep because she kept thinking of this ********* from her past. I couldnt show any romance or intimacy toward her... she wouldnt accept it. But she still told me with tears in her eyes that she loved me and she had to clear her head. Told me over and over how she hated living alone and she was going to move home. I used to talk her to sleep at night so she felt like I was there.

Fastforward a month. Last week, ex sent a large bouquet of flowers to her work with a card saying "best wishes for the holidays" and "hope you are doing well"

She tells me about it and I knew from that moment that something was wrong. She wouldnt talk to me, and was colder than ever. I could get no feeling whatsoever out of her. Yet, she still said she loved me.

Found out 2 days later that she was contacting him. Found out from her mother actually (who hates this other guy because of how he abused her)... my GF wouldnt even tell me. When I confronted her one night and told her that I knew, she still denied it. Funny thing is, with the help of her mother, I read the first email she sent where she gave him her number so they could talk.

I'm in Los Angeles, and she is in the Midwest. I have already booked a flight for her to come to LA for New Years... we planned this 2 months ago. Now she is having doubts as to if she wants to come out... claims she will have too much on her mind.

Here is what is making me sick... She tells me that she needs time to herself. Doesnt want to talk to me that much anymore so she can clear her head. But she continues to chat with this ex (who lives in the same town by the way)... not fair to me at all. The last 2 nights she has made herself very scarce. Her family has no idea what she is doing, and she doesnt answer her phone at night. I cant call her because she wont answer... claims she turns her ringer off at night... (which she did when I was there so I guess thats alright)

I haven't talked her to sleep in a week. She hasn't mentioned living alone bothering her in a while. Even thought about keeping her lease longer. I havent talked to her for more than 5 minutes in the last 2 days. I am giving her space and time and yet I know deep in my heart that she is probably with this guy.

I hope I am wrong... this guy used to hit her and scream at her and treat her so badly that she had pannic attacks and went on medication. (which she has been off since before I met her) She had made it very known in the past that she would NEVER get back with him and that she hated his very existence. However with one nice gesture (the flowers) she is back to talking to him... after a year of being apart.

Is there any possibility that she could be trying to get closure? Or am I pretty much done with her? She lives alone and I have the worst anxieties about him sleeping with her right now as I type this, or her going to his house. I love her so much... it kills me to do NC with her. (she ends up breaking it by calling me anyways)

I have thought about calling him. I have his number. Seeing as though she wont talk to me... I thought i would ask him if they were getting back together... if they are, then I am out... I wont even fight for her because I would loose all respect in her for going back to such a man. However if she and he are not getting together, then there could be a chance that she does need closure and time to think it over. Why would he lie to me... he probably wants her back... and the worst part is, he doesnt even have to do anything to win her back.. just buy her flowers.

the worst part is, its f***ing christmas, and I wanted to be close to my GF.

All my friends say to move on... but something is holding me back. Maybe it is the past 7 months that we have shared... if you could read some of the things she used to say to me and hear the conversations and have seen us together, you never would have seen this coming... just like me.

HELP!!?