Email from exMM, after I suggested we get together on neutral territory and hash things out as he is perpetually confused.
Reminder, he is now D but told me he needed space and that he didnt think he wanted me in his life anymore. This has been very difficult to accept after almost 4 years of WAITING, even though he never promised me a thing:
"Yes I am confused and trying to get some direction. I must say you are still a very good looking woman and seeing you does not help me with my problems, it just makes life worse for me.
Yes I suppose this is the life I wanted. The problem I am referring to is where I have tried to work on this life of mine and move on with it. The big issue I have had is while I have being trying to get over what has happened and just convince myself of certain things, I came to the conclusion that I (maybe you as well) would never be able to trust you or should I say I would never feel secure with you either and therefore I need to stick to my decision and move on and accept whatever life has in store for me. The problem is that though all my self-righteous arrogant feelings, it still hurts to look at you and think how good we were, how much I was in love with you and how little I feel now. It just seems to have been a total waste. "
Comments?
From my perspective it just seems like more apportionment of blame (onto me of course.).
That he actually made a decision is news, and that he feels so little for me now is also news.
This hurts very much. No matter what he has done, i will always carry love for him in my heart.
No better motivation to make the NC stick!
I cannot take this pain anymore.
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