Regaining trust in a relationship

Marie

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 years. We have had a lot of problems in our relationship, but I realize that relationships sometimes go through hard times. We have had a couple of infidelity issues in the past. He has always told me about these incidents shortly after they occur. At one point in time he suggested that I go out and find other people to be with. I'm not normally the type that cheats, so initially I ignored his request. I did not leave him because I love him very much and believed that we could work this out. After a while I started to feel neglected and for the first time, started looking at other men. I finally did act on his suggestion, but, unlike his straightforwardness, I was ashamed to tell him what I had

done. He didn't know about my promiscuity until two years after the fact, when, unfortunately, it came out in a fight. He told me, when we first got together, that he would much rather hear the truth than any book of lies that could ever be told, regardless of the consequence. I guess I didn't believe that he would deal with the truth well because I had heard others state that same line and didn't really mean it. He was so furious, not because I had cheated on him, but because I didn't have the respect to tell him what I had done immediately instead of two years after the fact. Because I didn't tell him, he says that I continuosly lied to him for two years and that's exactly how he looks at it. It has been more than two years since I told him and although sometimes it seems that he has forgiven me and trust me again, when he is upset, he lets me know that he still doesn't trust me and there is nothing that I can do to ever earn his trust again. I haven't cheated on him since the argument that we had and have no intention of ever doing it again. I work with a lot of men in my office and one of the instances occurred at work, when I used to work nights. I don't know how to let him see that I am not cheating on him anymore or how I'm supposed to earn his trust. As far

as he seems to be concerned, I have secret lover's all over the city. I am his first and only love that he's ever had. Is there hope? Can I somehow show him that I'm faithful to him, no matter what? Please help me as I don't know what to do anymore. I have completely stopped having a social life because I don't want him to think that I'm seeing other men, but that doesn't even seem to help. I appreciate any advice that you may be able to offer. I love him so much and it hurts so much inside because I broke the thing that he holds the most dear--his trust.