[pippen_2k]

I dont know why im posting this thread right now, just my emotions are running wild and im hurting. I been in bed for the past 30 mins and I got no way of falling asleep so I thought id come in here.. try and get some peace of mind.

Its been 7 weeks now since my g/f left me and this is my 1st bad day in like 1 and a half weeks. Sure no day is good cause she is still always on my mind, but this is the first night in some time where I have broken down crying again... I thought I was getting past this, but tonight is has really re surfaced.

Probably for a number of reasons, but just as more time goes by, I know theres less chance of hearing from her... I still really miss her and I know theres nothing I can say to her that she already hasnt heard. I have told myself I will not contact her anymore and I will not check my mail where she has contacted me a couple times before as it only hurts me ( ive lasted 1.5 weeks so far ). Very Very hard to accept shes gone, and even harder to accept cause she lives only like 3 mins from my place....

People have told me, that you should just go hook up with someone else and you will be over it, like a 1 night stand .... That so isnt my style but I found myself in that situation this weekend, and this morning I felt so empty and guilty that I did this.. trust me.. This is not the answer or cure to a broken heart.. I shouldnt feel guilty cause she left me, but while my mind and emotions are still focused on my ex its just not worth it...

Im in the military and we are going on a week exercise tomorrow, so hopefully the time away with no phones, or no chance of seeing my ex on the streets will do me good.

I never knew this road to recovery would be so long ... I keep thinking of that line from the Cold Play song ' The Scientist ' ...... "Nobody said it was easy, nobody said it would be this hard, oh take me back to the start... " God I wish I could go back to the start, but whats done is done now and I cant change the past. I still love her but obviously the feelings aint the same in return.

Im hurting, im sad but im still standing and taking the pain..... hurry up and heal my wounds time! ha.. thanks for listening people.. I had to write this down as it was just building up inside of me..