[Dion]

Hello. Over the summer I travelled to Germany twice. The first time I was there for 3 weeks. During the first week I met a girl at the local "YMCA" type place. We just talked and played basketball. I was nineteen and she was turning 16. I didn't know her age at the time. I was intrigued by her but she dissapeared until the last few days I was there. We hung out and she ended up making the first move and kissing me. With only a few days left, I felt discouraged because there was not sufficient time to establish a relationship. The night before I left we said our final goodbyes and walked away from each other.

I was torn apart by this ending because deep in my heart it was not what I wanted. It was a very miserable flight back to the East Coast. As soon as I got back to the states I emailed her to tell her that I thought ending the possibility for a relationship was a big mistake. After my first email she let me know that she was approached by a long time friend about a relationship. She said that she really didn't like the guy that much but wanted to atleast give him a chance. She really wanted to remain friends with me.

I was really heart broken but I understood that technically we had no relationship. Nevertheless I was determined to have her. I continued to be her friend and mature our relationship in that sense. I was already planning to go back to Germany in a month and a half after I left the first time and stay for another 3 weeks. I decided that I would exploit the faults of her current boyfriend when I returned to Germany and rekindle the flame that had sparked the first time I was there. After all, I was interested in her first.

I decided to treat her as I would a girlfriend and a good friend while I was in the United States because I felt that I would be betraying my own feelings if I acted otherwise. This also served to give her a good standard with which to measure the actions of her current boyfriend. Anyway I ended up becoming very good friends with her and when I got back to Germany, I hung out with her practically every day. Her relationship with her boyfriend wasn't going very well by no fault of mine but I do feel party responsible for the break up that occured while I was there. Atleast indirectly.

We made out a few times but never in public. Neither of us were very open to public displays of affection and she got a lot of resistance from her friends for pursuing a relationship with me. I played ignorant around her friends becuase i could and remained friends with all sides so as not to cause any rifts that could sway her decision one way or another. When I left, we were still not in a concrete relationship but the terms were much more agreable than the first time. My heart was light and I felt good about things.

This is getting long.....please bear with me.
So her and her sister came to visit me for my 20th birthday and for New Years. Originally we hadn't crossed those first base bounds but with her in the states and a little more time under our belts. I decided I would push the envelope and go for Second base and even play a short stop position if I could. Third and perhaps even home was possible but I was not totally comfortable with that. So our physical relationship escalated in her time here, which was very short (1 week). When she left we decided to try a long distance relationship.

For a little background info:
I am now 20 years old ,black male.....graduated from college a year ago and will start grad school soon....she is 16 years old white female and still has 2 or 3 years before she even starts a college.....educationally I am many years ahead of her but intellectually she is very gifted.....Her english is ok and much better than my German, which I learned in the month I was there.....She loves to go clubbing and that makes me uncomfortable at times......she also drinks and used to smoke but quit because I didn't like it.....I am not uncomfortable with the age difference any more. She is also coming to the states for an exchange program for one year next school year.

I would like any comments on the possibility of this relationship working.....we both have fallen hard for one another but are still reluctant to use "Love" to describe our feelings.