I'm married but in love with another married woman - what to do?

binglebangle

Here's my deal.

I married a woman I wasn't in love with. I married her because I was in my late 20's and was ready to settle down. We're friends, but I, at least, am not passionate about her, and I don't believe she's passionate about me. We have one young child, a son.

This summer, I got to know a coworker of mine I'd long found attractive. Let's call her Sarah. She's married, too, but once we started getting to know each other, I quickly fell in love with her. And she developed very strong feelings for me, too, though she never actually TOLD me she was in love with me. We had a brief affair, and I started thinking about leaving my wife and asking her to be with me. But she's been divorced twice already and is reluctant to go through that again, and she has two kids with her current husband, which complicates things.

And then, ANOTHER other man came into the picture, a real bastard. I immediately recognized that he was no good and warned Sarah to stay away from him, but he managed to seduce her. Because he did not respect her requests to give her space, and because he was willing to tell her whatever she wanted to hear, he was able to put her in a frame of mind to leave her husband for him. I have no doubt she would have, except that the other guy's wife contacted Sarah and told her the truth about him.

Plus, Sarah's husband found out about this affair (but not about her brief affair with me). After much pleading on Sarah's part, she persuaded her husband to try to work things out, and it seems that things are going well for them. Sarah and I are still good friends, in spite of the fact that I was tremendously hurt by the way she allowed herself to be seduced by the other guy.

My problem is, I'm still in love with Sarah. Am I an idiot to feel this way after she dumped me for the sleazeball? And what does this mean for my own marriage? My wife and I have been in marriage counseling for the past 4 months, and I've confessed to having feelings for Sarah, and I've stated that I feel our marriage is without passion, but I haven't admitted the affair and I don't intend to. And my wife and I have been working, haltingly, to try to introduce more passion into the marriage, but it simply isn't working. I'm in love with Sarah and I expect I always will be.

Meanwhile, Sarah and her husband seem to be making progress in putting their marriage back together. In fact, Sarah just found out a few days ago that she's pregnant (yes, her husband is the father). If I leave my wife, I won't be doing it to be with Sarah. While there's no guarantee she'll stay married, I certainly can't depend on the possibility of her getting divorced.

And we won't be having an affair again. I promised Sarah that as long as she's married, I will neither ask her for sex nor agree to it if she asks.

So. I have a lot of questions. Should I stay with my wife, even though I know I'm in love with Sarah? Or should I leave her, even though it seems unlikely that Sarah and I will ever be together? Or should I be honest with my wife and tell her I'm in love with Sarah (but not admit the affair; I will never do that), and let her decide what she wants? Remember, we have two children.

Thanks for any insight/suggestions you might provide.