[melliek]

Hello everyone, I am new here but desperately looking for help.
My husband and I were only married for 9 months when we decided to seperate. Things were bad for a little while, neither one of us put any effort into the marriage. Once I left he begged me to come home but because of my subborness in my mind it was over, that was it, I wanted to be happy and 'life is too short' ( how many times have we all heard this). While we were seperated , to my own fault, I had a one night stand. I think in the back of my mind i thought that if I did this then there would be no way that he would want me back (and I was drinking ----no excuse I realize this). Then, a couple of weeks after it was almost as if the fog lifted out of my brain and I started to realize what the hell I was doing. I realized how wrong I was to leave in the first place and that i was throwing my marriage away. We had only been seperated for one month so I went to him and told him of my infideleties and he took me back without any questions.
That was about a month ago now......now that it has sunk in he is really having a hard time dealing with it. Numerous times he has packed up and walked out, of course he has came back each time. He wants to know every little detail about it and even when I tell him he thinks that I am lieing and that it was more than once and that I was planning to do this before I left. He has not put his wedding ring back on and our first year anniversary is on Mon. I am scared to death that he will walk out now , which i realize that I probably deserve it but I keep telling him that I am here now , I have been taught a leason and i understand more about what marriage is about. I know it sounds stupid, how can I learn all of that in one short month, but I have learnt what it means to be married. I will never leave again, never, and the guilt that I feel is undescribable. I am consumed by it, every second of the day I think about what i've done and how i've hurt him and I don't know what to do to make things better.
Please ....does anyone have any suggestions on how i can make my husband forgive me and stay. I really , truly am disgusted with what i've done and want to do what ever i can to make it work, but its like walking on eggshells in my house because you never know when he's going to blow up and walk out again.
Help me please!!