How to move on from the grief stage to the angry stage?

Sadlittlegirl

I went out with this guy for about a year, thought he was The One, everything was perfect etc etc. I found out about 2 months ago that he was cheating. I ended it (with great difficulty), but we remained friends - with the occasional pash. I know! But we work together, it is hard to resist temptation.

Anyway, he left for 6 months overseas last week. I was searching through a work file of his this morning (the matter went to me when he left) and found a receipt from Tiffany's for a $500 necklace, dated last week. I guess it went to his new girlfriend. I just feel like the biggest joke, the biggest stupid idiot in the world. I feel sick to my stomach.

Although it's not news that he was seeing someone else, he downplayed the relationship to me. He also never spent a cent on me. I never got jewlerry or gifts. We were both saving so I didn't expect anything. I was happy enough to have his love. But seeing that he did this for another woman breaks my heart all over again - why does she deserve this gift from him? Maybe it's not even about the gift, but it just renewed the pain of rejection.

I am still so sad and depressed about the break up... I know I should be angry with him for cheating and lying, but I can't hold a grudge. How do I get out of this black pit of despair and begin some constructive feelings? How do I realise that I deserved better? I still feel so desperate for his love, even though I probably never had it.