[seahorse]

Hi,

Well, I've been back lurking around for a week or two, but now finally decided to tell my story. I need to type it out just to get things off my chest properly, and even if no one answers; at least I'll feel better for getting it out.

Two years last Feb my husband told me that he'd been seeing someone else. At that point we'd been married nearly 16 years and I thought we were happy. Not earthshatteringly so, but hey, after 16 years, are we all in the first throes of love?? I was completely devastated. I'd had no clue that he was having an affair; he hid it very well. The worst thing was that the affair had been going on for five years!! We have three children and it felt that not only had he betrayed me, he had betrayed them too.

I told him to get the hell out and move in with her if she was so damn good. He slept three nights on the sofa and spent the days trying to get me to change my mind. I could not.

He moved out. I told the kids we weren't getting on, (I did not tell them the real reason, I didn't want them to think their dad was a complete rat, even if I did), and hubby had visits two nights a week and every other weekend through the Summer. He also paid me some money every month for maintenance.

Come August, and hubby showed up a lot more often, then asked me if he could move back in. He had split with the mistress and had nowhere else to go. He blackmailed me by saying if he had to run own house/apartment, he would not be able to pay me maintenance, also it was better for the children if he was on site. He said he would convert his outside office to a bedroom for himself. I wavered and then eventually gave in. This was just for the sake of the kids only though. I had already had my love for him killed by what he had done. I could not take him back fully as all my trust was gone. Somehow we managed to rub along for another year, with me keeping it civil, although I was quietly dying inside. This sort of relationship is just too hard. I have not slept with him since the day he told me about the affair, although he made overtures several times. I couldn't, even the thought made me physically sick.

A year later, the following August, I met someone else whilst on a camping holiday with the kids (just me and them) and we have been seeing each other since. Hubby found out at Christmas and went slightly ballistic. We had a big row. I told him I was going to push for a divorce as I did not want to carry on the charade of marriage with him anymore. He persuaded me to hang on for a few more months; so I told him I would wait till our eldest had done his GCSEs, which I have done.

Last weekend I told him that I was now going to go ahead with the divorce. He spent two days trying to persuade me not to. I refused to change my mind. I said we should sit down together and tell the kids about it. Sunday he took the kids out and told them everything on the way home. Understandably they were stunned, and looking at ME as if I was the bad guy, as I'm the one who wants to do the divorcing, split up the family home etc.

I have seen a solicitor and have instructed her to start proceedings. I am very confused emotionally, but I do know that my marriage is dead, I have no feelings for my husband, and I will be happier (if slightly poorer) without him. I have no problem with him seeing the kids; indeed with letting the kids decide who they want to spend the majority of their time with. Hubby works long hours though, so it won't be practical for him to have custody, unless he makes some major lifestyle changes.

The next few months are going to be very, very hard, but I'm hoping to get through it intact.

Seahorse