Originally Posted by learnfrommymistakes
DiDi
I was shocked by all the stuff I read and said..WELL that does not apply to me, my guy is different, he and his wife are like roomates, they drifted apart after 30 years, and all the usual suspect lines.
What really surprised me was not that, it was that all of these women, OW seemed to have very similar intense, real, and unique feelings abt their MM, and each situation seemed like the MM was actually wildly in love with the OM here. I was so naive thinking my situation was so different, because I am not naive, I dated hundreds of men in my life, well a lot, and I never had to really hunt for a mans attention (NOT at all being cocky, I am not....) I am just saying dating and attention was not hard to find..and I dated very kind and generous men. SO I thought that there was no way my situation was the same as all the other OW...and YET what I did come to find, and finally admit, is that the situations often carry a similar thread...and many smart, bright, decent women with a lot to offer, find themselves in the throws of an affair.
To us as individuals, it feels utterly unique ..mindblowing, passionate, sureal or whatever it feels to be these taken men we love...but stay here long enough, and you see some hard truths. I learn them everyday, especially lately.
Do I think some MM really love the OW, yes, and some MM are good men, and cheat. BUT we need to take off the rose colored glasses and stop excusing their behavior to us and to their wives, and not keep letting these men put us second and take what they want, on their terms, and walk away in a second or ignore us or whatever at any time because it is not a good time for them.
NO F-ing wonder these MM think the OW are great, we serve all the needs and holes (the missing needs and holes) that a marriage may not fulfill. We give them attention, sex, our hearts, an ear to lend, and they dont have to live with us and have a real relationship.
I guarantee that more often than not, if these men committed to the OW, and lived with them, then the OW would eventually become what the spouse was, they would have their own set of issues, challenges, fights, and the whole dynamic would change. Most often...it would never work anyway. Most of these MM who cheat want the fantasy that everything will stay the same with the OW, and that he wont have to have the same issues and responsibilities and problems, cause he is not coming home to you...yet....
lfmm
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