Still Crazy After All These Months

BW007 · 8th November 2009, 12:27 AM

Ok here is the short version of my story....Caught Ex I had been with 5 years cheating with 2 different people in March...Doormat that I was I tried to fix things after finding out about first dude screwing her only to bust her 2 weeks later with someone else....Fine! We are done forever. Got it! Check! Slut! I moved about ten miles away to another town... A few months of NC go by and I figure out she has moved in with the other cheater about 200 yards away from where I live (1 and 1/2 blocks) and also gotten knocked up.
I am very aware that things are over for good and I need someone who has real love for me.... But the problem I am having hit on two levels; I pass by her car and house any time I have to go anywhere and it is maddening, and I also am pissed that she absolutely knows how much she hurt me she has never even apologized and moving so close is just insane and stupid. The proximity just reinforced how little conscience she has and to me it is invasive.

For the most part I have been moving on but this is a nagging reminder of everything and is making me feel hateful and driving me crazy and feel bad. I really do not think of this all the time anymore but it always seems to be right there in the background. Honestly, I really loved this girl and am afraid I always will and the depth of her betrayal has made it hard for me to contemplate trusting anyone in a new relationship.

Praying4Daylight · 8th November 2009, 12:37 AM

Sucks but, just be glad you're not the one that knocked up a cheater.

BW007 · 8th November 2009, 1:18 AM

Yeah, true. I don't see that parenthood relationship going very well. It still makes me so mad though. Before I found out about the cheating we were talking about having a kid.

The worst part for me has been revising all my memories and figuring out how she was a cheater and good liar throughout the relationship when I thought throughout this we were doing good. To relive the bull**** sucks.

USMCHokie · 8th November 2009, 1:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BW007

The worst part for me has been revising all my memories and figuring out how she was a cheater and good liar throughout the relationship when I thought throughout this we were doing good. To relive the bull**** sucks.

That's where you've got to stop revisiting and reanalyzing the past...I know it's MUCH easier said than done...but it doesn't serve any purpose except to keep you from moving on...all you're doing is trying to figure out what you could have done different to save the relationship, or what you could change to make her want you again...and you're just going to go crazy in your mind...

Bull**** doesn't need to be relived.

BW007 · 8th November 2009, 1:36 AM

I am sick of thinking of her at all really and she was fading out until moving so close. I think it was necessary to review all the memories to figure out where I got fooled though, you know what I mean. If I keep going over it more now it is too much though, but I feel I had to review to find some truth. I am not trying to fix anything anymore, I am just still mad someone I trusted was such a bullcrap slinger and it got past me. I am usually pretty smart and she really wasn't.

mickleb · 8th November 2009, 8:10 AM

Hi BW.

I know that feeling. I'd spent 5 years dealing with my own issues and the first guy I chose to fall for, once I started dating again, turned out to be a CP!

I felt stupid and bewildered. I'm a pretty smart lady but felt like I was doomed to make mistakes of the heart over and over.

A couple of books helped me out. Learning about passive CP issues (although I don't believe I have a serious dose of this) helped me to face up to SOME of the responsibility in the relationship and point out what not to do, next time. 'The Journey From Heartbreak To Abandonment' was also great for filtering through everything and moving through the stages. So, basically, I'm wondering what books you might have tried and how helpful they have been for you?

I can understand how irritating her living so close must be. You HAVE to get to grips with that, though, unless you're actually going to move yourself (I wouldn't). The PLACE itself, where she lives, can't hurt you. It's a building. It has no significance. If you see HER, yup - she will be a trigger - but you need to, somehow, PUSH the building out of the armoury you have constructed, that can harm you. Does that make sense?

I suggest meditating on this, to some extent. It is JUST bricks and mortar. You don't necessarily know if she is in it or not and you should TRY not to let your head get that far, it's pointless - you may as well be going right up to her door and knocking on it to check how she is. As you drive past, don't look at it. It's JUST a house/flat. Why would you look at it? No need. Remind yourself that a house can't hurt you. IF (and when) you happen to see her, deal with that seperately. It shouldn't happen very often.

Hope this helps. Take care. x