[lissar]

Is it wrong to want some passion in a marriage? I've been married ten years and our sex life has always been lacking...and I will admit it was mostly my fault. I suffered from depression, was on meds, dealt with self-esteem issues, and such, went to IC, and still going. But the past couple of years, I've wanted more but now the H doesn't really want to try. I can't blame him. When we do actually try, he's so anxious that it doesn't go well. Everything else is okay, but I just don't want to live with this void forever. I'm not even sure I'm attracted to him anymore. Help.

[mem11363]

He could try a low dose viagra - it will eliminate any performance issues caused by anxiety.

You could try a couple of drinks.

Is your lack of desire for him a physical thing or a personality thing or both?

By the way - you reject a guy that long and you scar him. He likely really doesn't think you love him very much at this point. You could work on that a bit too.

Originally Posted by lissar

Is it wrong to want some passion in a marriage? I've been married ten years and our sex life has always been lacking...and I will admit it was mostly my fault. I suffered from depression, was on meds, dealt with self-esteem issues, and such, went to IC, and still going. But the past couple of years, I've wanted more but now the H doesn't really want to try. I can't blame him. When we do actually try, he's so anxious that it doesn't go well. Everything else is okay, but I just don't want to live with this void forever. I'm not even sure I'm attracted to him anymore. Help.

[Malenfant]

when i got together with my ex, he wasnt very interested in sex, although i was.
It used to hurt me that he wasnt up for it very much, so over time i just conditioned myself not to think about it. Not conciously, but whats the point in getting myself all worked up over something that isnt going to happen.

Years later, he started to feel differently, but by that time i had grown so used to not thinking about it that I couldnt just make all those feelings come back.

Its left me feeling very anxious about sex and intimacy.

I am considering therapy, as although i am not in that relationship anymore, i'm still not as I should be and its having an impact on my M.

I was very angry with my ex because it was like he just decided he did now want it and I was expected to just turn it on again.

Not saying that it was on purpose, but he didnt understand how much it had affected me.
You need to confront your part in this, and how your actions have hurt your H.

I really dont mean that to sound harsh, and i know that you didnt want it to be that way. I'm just saying how it was from the other side, and how difficult it probably was for your H.

The main thing is you want to change, and together you can do that as long as you're both very honest and understanding with each other.

Good luck to you both, i just wish my ex had been as concerned as you are, maybe it wouldnt have ended the way it did.

[asireen]

Originally Posted by mem11363

By the way - you reject a guy that long and you scar him.

Very true. To a point that he may not even want to have sex with you anymore.
So if he goes out and has sex outside of marriage, look the other way.