[carhill]

Speaking of smells, I am getting a wiff of a bad boy OM smell.

I was hoping the OP would identify if, in the past, that was a feature of her attraction style. She did state she has been 'in love' in the past, which I'll assume from her post was prior to meeting her H. Unfortunately, she didn't answer directly whether that person (or persons) was/were 'bad boys'. Her inferences with 'mature' and 'business-like' wrt her relationship with her husband to be cause me to assume so, but she hasn't directly stated that.

Alone, the smell thing is a relatively small factor, IMO. Combined with the rest, it becomes another 'reason' and/or 'justification' for the current emotional state. As the OP isn't really looking for solutions or a path, rather support for her vent, hopefully we've been supportive and perhaps given her some new things to consider as she weighs the very serious consequences of her coming decisions. In that endeavor, I wish her well