[Landofconfusion]

Originally Posted by quankanne

more importantly, what was it about your wife that initially caught your attention? And made you say to yourself, "I've got to have her in my life for good"? Are you confusing that slow and steady and deep feeling of love with excitement of physical chemistry or spark?

find yourself a copy of "The Five Love Languages," I think Gary Chapman is the author's name, and read it. It's a real eye-opener in describing the ways people express their love for one another, and how sometimes, not realizing this can make you second-guess your relationship. And not just romantic ones, but every kind of relationship there is.

I fell in love with my wife because we had physical chemistry and spark were/are compatible in several other ways. Now the spark is long gone but the other stuff holds us together. Thanks letting me know about that book.

[confusedinFl]

Landofconfusion.... you are not alone.. I too have the same feelings.. we've been married 8 yrs.. I have fallin for someone.. and they too are also married.. and we know that nothing could ever happen... and wont happen.. but I to cant seem to get this person outta my head..

I love my husband very much but in the same I would love to see why my heart goes elsewhere.. but in the same fact i dont want to ruin what I have. I am also trying to work on My marriage.. only difference is I am not avoiding whom.. I have fell for. which in reading your post I think I must.. to move on with my marriage.

So you are not alone.. at all.. good luck and stay strong..

[kevinconner]

You may be polyamorous. I sometimes think I am. I have zero issue with falling in love with another person while married. I used to get all guilted out by this but then I learned to accept who I am. There are plenty of people like this.

A person once asked me this, "...if you 100% truley loved your wife, then you would not be 'open' to allowing yourself to fall in love with someone else. Maybe it is indeed that you never loved your wife completely from the start."

I won't know the answer to this until I fall in love again and make a change. Not sure if I'll get the chance to do this, so holding course.

The interesting thing is that the love I felt with the other person while married was nothing like the original love I experienced with my wife. It was more "energetic" and also felt more risky. Uncertain. More butterflies. Less predicatability. I have since looked back on it and realized it was not everything I felt it was.

[Landofconfusion]

Originally Posted by kevinconner

You may be polyamorous. I sometimes think I am. I have zero issue with falling in love with another person while married. I used to get all guilted out by this but then I learned to accept who I am. There are plenty of people like this.

A person once asked me this, "...if you 100% truley loved your wife, then you would not be 'open' to allowing yourself to fall in love with someone else. Maybe it is indeed that you never loved your wife completely from the start."

I don't think I am polyamorous, which is why I am concerned that I may be swimming upstream in my marriage. When that person said "open," they probably meant on the hunt for sex or validation of some kind. I just read in marriagebuilders that falling in love happens when we find someone who meets our unmet emotional needs. I'm not sure it's that simple but it has to be part of it.

[Landofconfusion]

Originally Posted by confusedinFl

Landofconfusion.... you are not alone.. I too have the same feelings.. we've been married 8 yrs.. I have fallin for someone.. and they too are also married.. and we know that nothing could ever happen... and wont happen.. but I to cant seem to get this person outta my head..

I love my husband very much but in the same I would love to see why my heart goes elsewhere.. but in the same fact i dont want to ruin what I have. I am also trying to work on My marriage.. only difference is I am not avoiding whom.. I have fell for. which in reading your post I think I must.. to move on with my marriage.

So you are not alone.. at all.. good luck and stay strong..

Thanks. I hope you get through it. I have this idea that we are somehow biologically programmed to fall for people who make good reproductive matches, hence the obsession for months.