[MaureyL]

I knew from the moment I met my AP that I would lose him... in our first conversation he told me that he was only going to be in London until the end of the school year. And though I think he was very tormented about leaving, leaving is exactly what he did, just as he always said he would. My heart was broken before anything ever even began....

Like Devil Inside, I understand now that I was trying to work something out from my childhood through him. It was and is extraordinarily powerful. I literally would have murdered someone who tried to stand in my way to be with him, even knowing our time together was ticking away. I torched everything in my life to be with him and now, a year and a half later, my life is completely different. It's hard for my family to accept but I am confident that I'm on the right path. There is great freedom and passion in my life.

We are not in contact now, my AP and I and he is on the other side of the world, quite literally, with his long term girlfriend. After reading many of the stories of others on this website, I recognise this to be a good thing in many ways. I am dating a lovely, caring man and I have grown and flourished with his love and attention.

Still, if he were to call me tomorrow and say that he was coming to London, I would drop absolutely everything to see him. In fact, if I had one wish granted by a genie, it would be to see his face one more time.

I also understand that we don't get what we want in life for very good reasons, so I don't pursue him or maintain contact....

I will always love him and as many others have already said, it was a love filled with passion and intensity that I have never known before. I read a book called "Dark Nights of the Soul" where the author says the only real love is one that involves transgression....

Maurey x