[offset_man]

I am a MM who had an intense lengthy affair with a MW. She ended it for reasons that were probably simpler than I thought 5 months ago. `Where is it going etc etc.`` Anyway, she got involved with another guy who was leaving his wife and he it would appear sold her on the fact that I was probably not a good long term bet. Thought she and I talked about getting married, neither of us was ready and therefore never really approached seriously the issue of moving out, finding a house, and all those other things.

She has refused any contact with me. In fact last time I had contact in mid August she said she had deleted every message I had sent without reading them and was `with her husband and she was trying to make it work`. She had, it sounded, decided to leave this other guy, who for many reasons, the biggest being he had been childless all his life, and she had two teen and preteen children.

Recently I spoke to her very close friend who said that, she had asked her not to tell me, but she was with the other guy, and not with her husband as she said to me. And they fought all the time, over me. They would break up and get back together. I gather it was quite tempestuous. Her friend asked her, `Do you miss him (me)`and she replied `yes`. Furthermore she has been spending so much time with this guy that he husband has apparently become suspicious. It also means she is spending less and less time with her children, who are at home (she`s a real estate agent, so can always come up with an excuse to ge out). This guy has apparently forbidden any contact with me whatsoever.

I no longer have the emotional need to see her, however I miss her and still am in love with her. That, as odd as it sounds, does no mean I am willing to up root my life, nor do I think she is a good mate (for reasons which I have not gone into here`. Her friend says I need to talk with her and has tried to encourage her to see me. She will not respond to a normal request for coffee, for example, so the only way I could get her to respond was to provide a little drama in my mail to her. I said I neeed to speak with her and it was very important. I also cannot betray the confidence of her friendso how I broach the topic is tricky. I do feel she is making a huge mistake that will have far reaching consequences to her and her children. The new man is insanely jealous and when she met him he was off on 3 months of health leave (for dpression). This can`t be good, yet she refuses to meet with me.

Yesterday she called me -the first time in 5 months and asked her what it was I wanted to say to her. I said I would not do it over the phone, nor would I do it in writing. She almost agree to meet me for a coffee but hung up after her sick child walked into the room. She still maintains she is with her husband and trying to make the marriage work. In fact she says she is leaving her blackberry out for him to see all messages to allay any ssupicions and I must stop sending her messages (I have sent very few). I believe that her husband became so suspcious that she had to reduce the amount of time with this new guy and is trying to buy her husbands trust before she resumes the affair once more.

I just don`t understand why she is so adamant about refusingto see me other than she is terrified this jerk is going to find out and she feels she would have to tell him. She misses`` me yet`when I try to reach out to her there is nothing but hostility against me, my previous loves, my wife and on and on and on. I just don`t get it. I`d love to see her again but I really am not interested in resuming an affair with her. But I genuinely fear for what she is doing.

Sorry for the rambling and always accept some thoughts and advice. I am sure I should just back off and stay away.