Damn Trip! You've officially got yourself a full plate. Your a strong woman to have all of that to deal with.
If he pulls this crap over Bird Day, I'd keep my eyes peeled for when it comes XMAS and New Years.
Were it me? I'd have to put my foot down when it comes to what he's planning. All those adults, drinking, you know they're going to break out the hard stuff. Will there be any children your sons age there?
Most adult "Thanksgivings" are nothing more than parties
WTF? What's this business about your having to go pick DS up, because STBXH has had one two many to drive. What if DS got sick, or hurt and had to go to the ER? Who's going to drive him? His drunk @zz or his roommate's drunk @zz.
Were it me? My DS wouldn't be going over there period unless I could be assured there's at least one responsible and sober adult around the entire time he was the STBXH.
The sooner you set the 'ground rules" and 'rules of engagement" with this guy the better ~ because if you don't its only going to go downhill from there. And you know this to be true from experience.
The true story about Captain Jack Sparrow is that he didn't loose it because he was stranded on a deserted island, but because his wife left him for a much younger man.
She was out catting around almost every night with the other wenches, something she called "girls night out"
Of course she re-wrote the martial history, 'gas lighted' him, and had him believing it was all his fault. The old 'if a man cheats on his wife ~ its his fault, but if a woman cheat on a man? Its still his fault.
O'Captain Jack? He got to drinking hard. He got to hitting the rum almost every night as soon as he got home. The wife threatened to tell everyone about his drinking problem!
But true to his nature? The Captain told her: "Go ahead! Your the cause of it."
"What do you mean by that? she asked?
To which he replied, "Your acting single and I'm drinking doubles!"
__________________
I may not be perfect! But, parts of me are pretty awesome, and I'm working on the rest!
Damn Trip! You've officially got yourself a full plate. Your a strong woman to have all of that to deal with.
Thanks Gunny, I'm hoping that having daughter and future son-in-law here will make the house seem a little less depressing for the son. I have to admit, I am going to miss the peace and quiet a little. LOL! And to note, we will officially have four cats (she's bringing 3), 2 dogs and a poor hamster that is going to think it just became cat food in the house.
If he pulls this crap over Bird Day, I'd keep my eyes peeled for when it comes XMAS and New Years.
No dice there for him, son and I are heading to Florida to stay with my father and step-mother, all the way through New Year's.
Were it me? I'd have to put my foot down when it comes to what he's planning. All those adults, drinking, you know they're going to break out the hard stuff. Will there be any children your sons age there?
I doubt that there will be any kids there except for the immature adults. My son wanted to spend Thanksgiving with H because he wanted to see his other grandmother (mother-in-law), but I let him know last night that she would not be spending it with his dad, his dad was spending it with (drinking buddy). If he wanted to see his grandma, he would have to go to his Aunt's house. He just shook his head. I told him to let me know what he wanted to do by the weekend.
Most adult "Thanksgivings" are nothing more than parties
WTF? What's this business about your having to go pick DS up, because STBXH has had one two many to drive. What if DS got sick, or hurt and had to go to the ER? Who's going to drive him? His drunk @zz or his roommate's drunk @zz.
Were it me? My DS wouldn't be going over there period unless I could be assured there's at least one responsible and sober adult around the entire time he was the STBXH.
I know, and that makes me turn out to be the jerk and then son gets mad at me. I let him finally have an overnight with his dad last weekend and the son that came home was like a devil child, hell-bent on hating me and wanting to go live with his dad. I think that the girlfriend is putting ideas in H's head around the fact that if DS came to live with him, he would be getting the CS. Fact is, he hasn't paid anything since late August. I'm doing fine on that, but it's funny that H is always broke and he isn't even paying CS yet. Yeah, I could see me paying CS to him, it would be going right over to the casino and beer, wouldn't be used on son at all. Did I mention that DS is usually the "beer runner"? Hey son, go get daddy another beer out of the fridge. I always hated that!!
The sooner you set the 'ground rules" and 'rules of engagement" with this guy the better ~ because if you don't its only going to go downhill from there. And you know this to be true from experience.
Working on it, but the lawyer is getting slow with the paperwork, sent the CS and CO back last week to be revised but haven't gotten the revised papers back yet or a first copy of the SA. You would think after paying the retainer I paid ($XXXX), they would be a little faster.
The true story about Captain Jack Sparrow is that he didn't loose it because he was stranded on a deserted island, but because his wife left him for a much younger man.
She was out catting around almost every night with the other wenches, something she called "girls night out"
Of course she re-wrote the martial history, 'gas lighted' him, and had him believing it was all his fault. The old 'if a man cheats on his wife ~ its his fault, but if a woman cheat on a man? Its still his fault.
O'Captain Jack? He got to drinking hard. He got to hitting the rum almost every night as soon as he got home. The wife threatened to tell everyone about his drinking problem!
But true to his nature? The Captain told her: "Go ahead! Your the cause of it."
"What do you mean by that? she asked?
To which he replied, "Your acting single and I'm drinking doubles!"
Poor Captain Jack, so is this why there is never any rum?
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Trippi
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"Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards." ~ Soren Kierkegaard
Wow Trippi STBXH sure isn't making it easy. I agree with Gunny, if H cant be sober enough to drive DS home or anwhere else then he loses the privelege of seeing him. He wouldn't be enjoying his company anyways if hes plastered. I would leave the decision up to DS whether he wants to see his Grandmother or have a drunken Turkey Day, including why you have to play driver. Hes old enough to understand that. If H wants to fill his head with hate when they are together, you can at least share the truth with him.
TOJAZ
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Ladies and Gentlemen, take my advice. Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -Dr.Sydney Friedman
Wow Trippi STBXH sure isn't making it easy. I agree with Gunny, if H cant be sober enough to drive DS home or anwhere else then he loses the privelege of seeing him. He wouldn't be enjoying his company anyways if hes plastered. I would leave the decision up to DS whether he wants to see his Grandmother or have a drunken Turkey Day, including why you have to play driver. Hes old enough to understand that. If H wants to fill his head with hate when they are together, you can at least share the truth with him.
TOJAZ
Thanks, hopefully DS will make the right decision...not sure tho. H called just now wanting to pick him up from school today and bring him home because he isn't going to get to see him this weekend. Son has a friend staying over all weekend, they've gone to school together since Elementary School, and I think that would be better for him since he can't go out and play due to litigation issues with the family down the street.
I'm going to let him pick him up and bring him home, I don't want to be the "mean mom" by keeping them apart and that is just what light my H will shine on me if I do.
This evening will be interesting to see what mood son is in after seeing dad. If it's bad, I'm going to have a talk with lawyer about sole custody instead or perhaps supervised visitations.
It's ironic how bad things in life can bring out the side in people to bring closure to a part of their lives that was bad. My grandmother, who had Altzheimer's passed away last night and I just found out this morning. It's even sadder because you know that they are in a better place after seeing them wilt away for so long. My grandmother found closure and peace last night, and my STBXH and I also found some closure tonight as well.
He brought our son home tonight and actually hung around to talk to me about where we went wrong. The conversation was up and down, but not too hateful. There was a little blaming, but something he said that made me proud of him was that he knew if he had quit drinking, we might have saved our marriage. He knows what he did wrong, I know what I did wrong....the drinking was our biggest problem, for both of us, my hating it and his doing it.
We know that this part of our lives is over, had their not been another woman, maybe, but I think he is right....I wouldn't be able to let that go. I can be strong, but not that strong. He also would have guilt problems about it too. Now he is in the middle of a triangle because her husband wants her back now that he knows she is seeing someone else. Well, lessons learned. He told me that he had scoped her out a few times, but that he probably would not have pursued her had he not thought that I was dating....which I wasn't at the time, but misunderstandings were plenty in our relationship. The problem is, we never really communicated very well in or out of the relationship.
He had written a paper on what marriage should mean...I thought the part he wrote about love being unconditional was very nice....just never could understand why his love for me was so conditional. The fact is, he knows what he should have done right, but he can't undo what he has done wrong now. We both agree to that, neither of us can.
We are decent terms and have accepted the fact that this is now my life and that is now his life....we can't change that and go back to a marriage, amicable friendship maybe, but there is no love....guilt, remorse maybe, but no love there anymore. There were many things that we both did wrong in our relationship, and we hate it....but things are the way they need to be now and we are fine with it. We wished each other the best and are moving on with our lives wherever they take us.
I truly hope that this is the end of it....I've been warned about agendas and all, the niceness....etc, etc....but I know where I stand now and I know where I don't want to be again. I know that I am getting better everyday becoming the person I want to be, and that is the direction I keep moving in. My grandmother would be proud of me, God rest her soul.
we believe God wants you to know ... that to find out who you are becoming find stories that move your heart.
Just like a seed has an image of the tree in it, so does your heart have an image of who you are becoming. Look for stories in movies and books that resonate in your heart, and you will find glimpses of your possible futures. What is your favorite story?
I thought we got closure last night...understood that we couldn't be happy with each other, we've moved on and let go....so now I'm going through the "leaver" games....
H calls this morning, I just listened, didn't bother talking....telling me that he is truly sorry for hurting me....ya-da, ya-da....I really can't remember half of what he said, my mind is on burying my Grandmother right now. He said something about that Lady Antebellum song and that it was right, it's what we both should have been doing. Well, we weren't and we probably never will.
Now I am getting these text messages from him saying that he is was a fool and seeing me last night reminded him of that happy girl 15 years ago.
I've not answered them.....just have too much going on, I'm mourning the loss of my grandmother....I've already mourned the loss of my marriage...can't do both at the same time....just too much!
Closure is letting go, not chasing after what you no longer have.
The true story about Captain Jack Sparrow is that he didn't loose it because he was stranded on a deserted island, but because his wife left him for a much younger man.
She was out catting around almost every night with the other wenches, something she called "girls night out"
Of course she re-wrote the martial history, 'gas lighted' him, and had him believing it was all his fault. The old 'if a man cheats on his wife ~ its his fault, but if a woman cheat on a man? Its still his fault.
O'Captain Jack? He got to drinking hard. He got to hitting the rum almost every night as soon as he got home. The wife threatened to tell everyone about his drinking problem!
But true to his nature? The Captain told her: "Go ahead! Your the cause of it."
"What do you mean by that? she asked?
To which he replied, "Your acting single and I'm drinking doubles!"
Outstanding!! Gunny
Funny, theres never any rum at Capt. Tojaz's house for the same reason!
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