[DiDi123]

Hi All,
So I am taking in all the advice I have received here and digesting.....

And I have made a few positive decisions.
I booked a ticket to travel to an island that I have frequented for 19 years.

My family owns a few homes there and they go down at the end of December and stay through March and I usually go by myself for a week or 2 in February. I have a home there also but keep it rented. We discussed him coming with me next February and guess what? I DECIDED that that is not going to happen- not next year anyway. At my cousins tonight (Wednesdays we all have pasta together- about 15-20 of us) my auntie & I decided we would go down together next February (thereby ensuring HE IS NOT GOING WITH ME) and I sat down on the computer right then and there and booked our tickets! THis is huge for me. I was waiting and waiting for him to say yes or no, and if if was yes what dates we would travel. Well I'm not waiting for him to answer anymore- I am moving on as best as I can. He couldn't make the decision so I am making it for him.
He's not going. HA!
And the best part is I feel great about it. I know I have at least one thing planned in the future that does not include him.

I am changing my thinking and trying to make some changes about what's best for me. I am doing what's best for ME from now on. To think I was ALMOST considering not going to my cousins tonight because he "MIGHT" call- UGH! What an idiot I am!! So I am home now- and guess what? Did he call like he said he would? Nope. Boy would I have felt like a POS if I had actually come home and just been here waiting for his call. SO happy I went.

[Holding-On]

Wow Didi! I'm impressed. Forcing myself to start doing stuff again (and eventually dating again) really helped me to obsess much less. Go Didi!

[DiDi123]

Holding-On,
Hi- So, this is the thing- as much as I hear that I can't date him while he is married, in my my mind I am dating him and we are at the 4 month mark.
With that being said there are things in previous relationships that I allowed to happen (or not) that I just thought would go away or somehow fix themselves (which of course never usually happens).

There are things that I am (to be really honest with myself) this I am beginning to get super pissed off about. For 2 seconds take the fact that he's married out of the equation. Would I put up with this crap from a single guy 4 months into the relationship- maybe in the past- BUT NOW??? NO. NO WAY.

And that's it. I am just sick and tired of waiting around. I am going to treat him exactly as I would if he was single. Sorry if anyone thinks they are games- because they aren't. But he wants to not call me for a few days- that's fine. But don't expect me to see you when you finally call- because now I'm pissed, and hurt and disappointed- BUT NOT ENOUGH to stop living my life. I am not going to allow another human being to have more power over me than I do myself.
Been there and done that.
So I am super excited I booked my flight and made the arrangements I did. And I also have plans for the weekend with friends & family.

I'll check in later as I am at work.
Thank you for your support-
(almost signed my name!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

[Alpha Female]

Yo go girl!

Its very empowering isnt it? To move on with your own agenda? To not wait around for him? To realize he thinks of you as a play thing? To admit how much time you have wasted hoping for a future?

Im very very proud of you. We are in a similar spot in that you know your MM has moved on without telling you so, whereas mine has by telling me he wont leave his W. Either way, its a great thing to not give them the power to affect your life anymore.

[DiDi123]

Alpha,
Yes these are baby steps but I don't know what's really going on. I have no idea if he's going to call when he returns from his golf trip on Friday.
He may just call and think nothing of the fact that he hasn't called in days because he was golfing and not realize how pissed I am about his not calling me more often than he was prior to going.
I can just see him thinking nothing is wrong at and picking up right where we left off.
I don't know.

[jj33]

He can only pick up right where you left off if you let him

You control the relatoniship either its on your terms or its not.


It only gets to be on his terms if you allow it.

Take some power back. Dont be afraid of losing him.

Dont be around when he calls. Dont wait for his call.

Be busy. Who the f is he that you wait with baited breath. You dont do yourself any favors.

[DiDi123]

Yes- I agree with so many things you guys have said.
jj- Correct about being on his terms if I allow it. THis is where I am NOW. Its on MY terms or not at all. Now that I'm back to work and he can't spend time during the day with me things are going to change- he just doesn't realize how drastically.

Prior to my surgery I would work until 4 and hit the gym or play 9 holes of golf after work - but found myself sometimes blowing all that off to make sure I was home "in case" he called around 4:30 and wanted to come over for a few hours. THen he would need to be home by 6-6:30. And I ALLOWED this to happen. NO MORE.

I'm BUSY. And I'm not going to be rearranging MY LIFE to conform to his. I an just hear him asking to come over after work and my new response is going to be "Sure you can come over- but I'm on my way out to the gym - I should be home by 8PM- how about then?" And he'll say come on you know I can't do that- OH FLIPPING WELL - then I guess YOU won't be seeing me today. THis is how I would treat a single guy I was dating and from now on that is how he is being treated.

I will no longer make sacrifices that benefit just him. Sorry - 2 hours with him just isn't worth it. If he wants to see me he'll figure out there are new rules. Like them? Not like them? TOO BAD.

I will regain power over ME and MY LIFE and NO LONGER allow him to have that power over me. I am going to do what's best for ME and let him make the sacrifices and if he walks then he walks.

Whichway- Yes I realize what your saying- but I want a man in my life that thinks of me and no matter what he's doing has 60 seconds to pick up the phone and say hi. What men don't realize if we need our emotional tanks filled too. That 60 second call would shown an action instead of absolutely nothing. When men don't call for days I tend to get very turned off- and pissed off, lol. DO NOT friggin' ignore ME. All the sacrifices I have made to be with you (lying to everyone, making myself available, etc.) and you can't pick up the phone and say hi? SORRY- not acceptable. I don;t give a crap who you are.

Oh and I don't think I have put too many strings- I am accustomed to him being here everyday, talking on the phone, because that was how HE wanted it that way (and yes I liked it because I home recovering and he was a huge help and now he just cuts me off? Why because he's hanging with his buddies? Give me a break. I was supposed to be there this week but because of the surgery I couldn't.

Sorry if someone really cares for someone they communicate.

In my twenties I dated a heart surgeon- busy 24/7, on call and guess what- HE HAD TIME TO PICK UP THE PHONE and call me. I should have married him.......but I wanted a career and he wanted a wife and mother to have his children, be part of his philinthropic organizations, charity work, with a house in the Hamptons and a mercedez station wagon, lol. Ridiculous now, because NOW that's exactly what I'd love. Security, a husband and children, and to be happy and fulfilled on many different levels.

Anyway, taking power back, that's what I have to do. Its the only thing I can do right now that feels good for me.

If he presses me as I expect him to by mid-week next week I am prepared to tell him that maybe he needs time to sort things out. And that I have had lots of time to think over the last 2 weeks about my needs and expectations and I need time to also sort things out about what I want.

Doesn't any of this make sense?