[Ronni_W]

Originally Posted by Eisenhower

As was said, I'm kind of damned if I do and damned if I don't.

Actually, and for what it's worth, after reading BCCA's posts in this thread, I'm leaning towards you'll only be "damned if you do."

There is just too much wisdom and personal experience in BCCA's to ignore/dismiss. But I also get that, if one is not yet there, it may be difficult to relate to the subtleties and the tricks that the mind can play at this stage. It's tough navigating, that's fersure.

Hugs, and best of luck.

[adamt]

My ex split up with me not long after her mum passed away. I wanted to be there for her but she was pushing me out and getting closer to her family. It was hard but it was her who decided she wanted me out of her life. not heard from her in 5 months since. You have to let it pass without contact. You should feel any guilt because the ex is the one who decided to make the decision to break up.

[TaraMaiden]

Let nobody say I cannot be swayed by Logic and reason...'There is only one wrong opinion, and that is a Fixed opinion'.

So I guess I'm more of the opinion now, that BCCA has a stronger point than I.

Don't send it, and cultivate a peace of mind based on what is best for you, in the long-term bigger picture, than for her.

Will this matter as much in 3 years' time?

Then let it matter as much this year.

[AnthonyMalibu]

If her father actually passed away right now, I'd say send a card. It's probably the only legitimate reason to break NC. I wouldn't write anything other than "I'm very sorry for your loss", sign it, and send it out.

But since this is only the anniversary of his death? Let it go. I don't want to sound heartless, because it's nice that you're thinking about helping her through a tough time... but it's a year later, and you need to move on.