[redfathom]

This might be long but I need advice, please!

I have two older sisters, and them w/ my mom always, always create some kind of drama. I hate it and I don't want it in my life. Sometimes things are fine and when they talk about things I don't want to be involved in I change the subject.

My grandma is dying (she is 89 w/ cancer and ephasema (sp)) and I know there is going to be a LOT of drama over this. I find it inappropriate and insensative.

I was out with my husband and dad (parents divorced) this weekend and I got a call from my sister X, she said daughter (who is 16) of sister Y was being really rude to our mom. My mom came back mid Oct from taking care of my grandma for three months. While there she claims that sister Y and niece hardly ever called to talk to her. Sister Y is mad at my mom and sister X and Y aren't speaking to each other. Sister X and mom ad BFF's...sorry I know this is confusing.

Anyways, my mom went to sister Y's house and didn't go in so my niece texted her that it was rude of her not to go in and say hi. So my mom and niece got into. My mom has been back in town three weeks and hasn't called my sister Y or my niece and my niece is very hurt over this. Personally I think they're both acting like children, but only one of them is actually a child, which I told sister X.

Sister X also told me that my mom is having surgery, found out a few days ago. My mom hadn't told me yet, but she called me later that evening and said "I was going to tell you when you called me." Which she does a lot, making me feel guilty for not calling implying the phone works only one way and I am in control of our relationship or lack of. She also told me not to tell sister Y about the surgery, which is childish!

Sister Y stole sister X's best friend, they would do things and not invite X and then call and rub it in her face. Sister X, Y and Mom all did this to me for over two years. They would call and tell me they went to the beach, or the zoo, or whatever, and had so much fun "and the whole family went". Never inviting me. So I have no love lost here. But I also know how it feels so I am empathetic.

Sister Y calls our grandma up all the time begging for money, she says she needs it for a car, for washer & dryer, for school, etc. Except she almost never uses it for those things and tells us not to tell grandma. Which is so very wrong. Our grandma has probrably sent her $30,000 in the last 10 years. Sister Y also used my 12 year old nieces name to get phone and cable, because she has bad credit. She will also take gifts we buy the kids and return them for the money. I know, I should cut my losses but I love my nieces and nephews and feel they also need someone who is a good influence in their life. Her 8 and 11 year old kids, have a kindergarten reading level, because she never helps them with homework. The 11 year old just moved in with his dad and it doing much better.

Anyways, sister Y will also tell our grandma things that aren't true about me, our mom, and sister X. So when we talk to our grandma she starts nagging us about our finances or something else. I have excellent credit, own a home, fulltime job, go to school, etc, sister Y has poor credit, can't get credit, can't even get a bank account.

My mom is upset, jealouse even, over sister Y and my grandma for the trash talking and also their relationship. But it sounds like grandma is catching on and sister Y is no longer her favorite.

When my dad's dad was in the hospital sister Y told me, and sister X "grandma (mom's mom) feels really bad for me right now because she knows I am the closest to grandpa and I am taking this the hardest." Which was totally inappropriate, rude, and narsassitic.

But with my grandma passing I know comments like this will be said and I don't think I can handle it this time.

So on top of all the BS drama already, I know in a few weeks when my grandma passes that it will get worse and I don't think I can take it. With the holidays it will also get worse, it always does, they always complain about something and try to intentionally hurt the other person. It's so sad!