[MightyQuinn]

Originally Posted by machimoo

Hi MightyQuinn, I think mem11363 has a point actually. You can't MAKE someone be what you want them to be...they have to do that of their own accord. You can't make make another person communicate, or care about you, or even love you.

That is true, but in this case, we care about each other and love each other, but haven't been making it known what we've needed out of this relationship to be happy. We've both been very neglectful towards each other and haven't been communicating well.

In some ways, we've been communicating much better lately and a lot of things are coming out, but not necessarily liking the answers that we've been getting. A lot of "This wasn't a problem before, why is it a problem now?" Well, because sometimes when you want to make someone else happy, you don't pay enough attention to what makes yourself happy (or unhappy, in some cases). And you lose yourself. I lost myself. Now I'm trying to re-establish ME, and be ME, and hope that he loves ME. That's not going to well, we are two completely different people.

We had a good Halloween, but it isn't looking good on other fronts. Over the last few weeks we've been dredging up important things in our relationship that we've been pushing down. We are finding sticking points where we fundamentally disagree, with no signs of compromise in sight. Yet I am not ready to let go just now. Part of me is, obviously, I have been slowly sorting through items in our house (as I've been sorting my mental house).

I don't know yet when I'll be ready to let go (still don't have enough money to move out anyway) but more and more I'm preparing myself for that inevitability. As this progresses, I feel like our relationship moving towards a mutual ending. Doesn't make it any less sad, but at least I'll know that I gave it my all. Though no rings were exchanged, I took this commitment very seriously and to admit that it isn't going to work is.... I can't even think of a good way to describe it.

machimoo, though break-ups are never good, I'm glad that you have at least some closure for now. Hope you can find a place to move soon and he allows you both to have some space.