[Neutrino]

Originally Posted by bloggervenus

Neutrino, to be perfectly honest, my hesitation is not so much based on not wanting to hurt him. It is more based on my fear. The fear that I will never find anyone else as good as him and that I will end up being alone. It may sound selfish but I believe that he will be OK. He is the eternal optimist and the naturally happy person. In the past 12 years I have never seen him be sad for more than 2 days in a row. I know that he will be sad for 6 months but I also know that he will bounce back and I have a feeling that without me and my disapproving looks (I try so hard to not criticize but I know that he reads my emotions from my eyes) he will be even happier. He is an engineer by the way and he definitly can take care of himself financially.

Thank you all. It feels so good to talk about these issues and actually see some other people who are going through the same phases.

It doesn't sound selfish at all - it sounds human. Especially having immigrated to Europe alone and being a bit "socially challenged" myself - I don't only understand - but share this feeling...

Although I have not yet dared to fully face it - there is a chance I'll be in a similar conflict soon. How do you know you made the right desicion ? Only at hind-sight I guess, you are trying to compare the known to the unknown : what you know you will have if you stay, to the unknown you're facing if you leave. This is impossible !!

How do you even start making your balance ?

[bloggervenus]

My personal coach says, "don't throw in the towel. Just go and get what you want. Let him be the one who files for divorce"

- but how can I get what I want?
- what do you want?
- I want a husband who I admire?
- and what happens then? What does that do for you?
- well it would make me happy. it would make me content
- so if you had a husband who did all the things you want your husband to do now, you would be happy?
- Yes!
- Bull S**t! You would find something else in him to be unhappy about. You would find something else to not admire about him
- OK. So, what do you suggest?
- Well, you have to start creating the feeling you want to create in yourself first.
- what does that mean?
- well, start being the woman who admires her husband. What kind of a woman admires her husband regardless of what happens? Be that woman.
- hmm.. very difficult
- yes, it will take time and it is hard but that is the only way you will grow and learn your lesson. Otherwise you will repeat the same experience with someone else

I was starting to think that maybe the lesson here for me is to stand up for what I want and what I like, to take my feelings seriously and to let my heart have a say. Now I am not too sure. Which way is the couragous way?

Meanwhile things are not so great at home. My husband is tired of my unhappiness. He said to our MC yesterday that he was starting to hate himself and that is a red flag for him. He said, "If I am so unhappy and she is so unhappy, then what are we doing?"

No one can give me an answer I know... I am going to pray now.