In Search Of...Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.
Basically Im a 22 year old bisexual guy (not out openly).. I have never had sex or a relationship.. nor a proper freindship. I would love to have freinds to hang around with, but nobody seems that interested.. Im at uni aswell. and its been 2 months into the course, and I still made no real freinds.. other associates that I know, are the same age and enjoying there life.. where as mine for the past 22 years has been stuck on my own in my room.. its soo depressing and it really makes me feel down all the time.. I would just love to be needed, or have someone to talk to.. I have had a number of break downs in the past years.. Im just tired of it and want a change of life..
No one wants to hang with someone who they can smell "desperation" and non confidence on him. No one also wants to hang with someone who has nothing to offer. If you talk to these kids at uni, and you dont seem fun to hang with, or for the girls, fun and attractive, then you will continue to be lonely. You gotta step up your game.
__________________ ADF: People don't lie to spare other people; people lie to spare themselves. Anybody who says, "it's not you, it's me" is beneath contempt.
How can you not have friends? Not even in high school? I don't understand, because everyone has at least one good friend in life. That is all you actually need, you don't need ten million friends to feel happy, just one is enough, so i suggest you find one. Find someone who loves the same stuff you love, who listens to music you listen to, someone who shares similiar values. In college im sure there is someone waiting for you. Just a be a good friend to people and you will receive admiration in return, but if you don't, don't dwell on it. Treat everyone good, listen to someone when they have a problem. i am not the most fun person to be with, but i have good friends because i am always there when they need me.
How can you not have friends? Not even in high school? I don't understand, because everyone has at least one good friend in life. That is all you actually need, you don't need ten million friends to feel happy, just one is enough, so i suggest you find one. Find someone who loves the same stuff you love, who listens to music you listen to, someone who shares similiar values. In college im sure there is someone waiting for you. Just a be a good friend to people and you will receive admiration in return, but if you don't, don't dwell on it. Treat everyone good, listen to someone when they have a problem. i am not the most fun person to be with, but i have good friends because i am always there when they need me.
thats true.. I did use to be a good freind for people, but others took advantage, so I dont even bother anymore as anyone just seems to use me.. I did have one close freind years ago, but they moved up north, and its been like that since 2005..
luckly it going alright at uni/college at the moment, so am hoping it just gets better and better
Im sorry people took advantage of you. They weren't worth it anyways. Im glad things are better for you know, i wish you the best even though i don't even know you
Im sorry people took advantage of you. They weren't worth it anyways. Im glad things are better for you know, i wish you the best even though i don't even know you
thanks.. I also wish you all the best with life, and hope your day has been good
Do you have any other interests or hobbies? If so then look for groups or organizations in your area that involve them. it's very easy to meet people that way. If not then get some. Take up something you have always been interested in.
Practically all my friends I have met through horseback riding. I was always really shy and I would have been totally alone without that common tie to bring us together.
Do you have any other interests or hobbies? If so then look for groups or organizations in your area that involve them. it's very easy to meet people that way. If not then get some. Take up something you have always been interested in.
Practically all my friends I have met through horseback riding. I was always really shy and I would have been totally alone without that common tie to bring us together.
cool.. Hows that going?
I have joined a couple of clubs, but from the looks of it, it doesnt seem to be working that well for me. So I shell probabaly go to a couple of different groups instead.. I do have a couple of interests. some of uni guys I talk to in class, have the same interest aswell. But I dont wanna come over as desperate to them, if you know wat I mean
I think once you are totally comfortable with who you are - the rest will look after itself.
I think it is cool that you're bisexual. And yes it is something that not everyone is going to want to know about you. But there are some things about me that I don't discuss with my parents, as well. Doesn't make me a bad person. Just frankly makes us more interesting people.
We all have depth. Doesn't mean you have to share all parts of yourself with everybody. Different people in your life are allowed different depths.
I feel that you don't want any depth with anyone because you fear they will see to the bottom of your emotional cavity - and see "bisexual" written there. But they won't see that if you only keep them in your surface levels.
You control how much information you give people about yourself. And sometimes that information is so sensitive that it is only given to your most intimate partner, and maybe only a special intimate partner.
So have you read some books on bisexuality?
Is there an urban centre near you with an 'alternative' part of town? So you can just walk up and down the street and get a cup of coffee and see if the excruciating discomfort you feel around people is alleviated when you see that you are one in the crowd of humanity and we all have our issues?
I just want you to know that your sexuality is nothing to be ashamed of. At all. In fact I applaud your honesty at the age of 22 of knowing who you are.
Last edited by Boundary Problem; 15th November 2009 at 2:42 AM..
I think once you are totally comfortable with who you are - the rest will look after itself.
I think it is cool that you're bisexual. And yes it is something that not everyone is going to want to know about you. But there are some things about me that I don't discuss with my parents, as well. Doesn't make me a bad person. Just frankly makes us more interesting people.
We all have depth. Doesn't mean you have to share all parts of yourself with everybody. Different people in your life are allowed different depths.
I feel that you don't want any depth with anyone because you fear they will see to the bottom of your emotional cavity - and see "bisexual" written there. But they won't see that if you only keep them in your surface levels.
You control how much information you give people about yourself. And sometimes that information is so sensitive that it is only given to your most intimate partner, and maybe only a special intimate partner.
So have you read some books on bisexuality?
Is there an urban centre near you with an 'alternative' part of town? So you can just walk up and down the street and get a cup of coffee and see if the excruciating discomfort you feel around people is alleviated when you see that you are one in the crowd of humanity and we all have our issues?
I just want you to know that your sexuality is nothing to be ashamed of. At all. In fact I applaud your honesty at the age of 22 of knowing who you are.
Thanks
I havent read any bisexulaity books yet. but which ones do you recommend? Theres not really anywhere for me to go.. maybe there must be somwhere for me to go, to talk to sumone about it.
I agree with you though, on what you said in your wall post, and that I should just be myself and things will eventually come my way. What you have said though is very true, I do tend to give more information on my personality, on only people that have known me quite close, or if they have known me for a very long time.
I havent read any bisexulaity books yet. but which ones do you recommend? Theres not really anywhere for me to go.. maybe there must be somwhere for me to go, to talk to sumone about it.
No problem. You are just a late bloomer and often they are the most interesting people.
Amazon.com is going to be your new friend. I can't tell you how many intellectually interesting, but very naughty, books I have ordered on Amazon. They come in a cardboard box.
Maybe order something innocuous and see how the packaging is. But I've had no problems (because you want to maintain your privacy). And then have an area in your room that is locked (perhaps a cabinet) and keep the books locked up.
Just because you are into bisexuality doesn't mean everyone is. And we have to respect that. This is the kind of subject that is only discussed with a special intimate partner. Don't leave the books lying around.
My advice is read anything you can get your hands on. Don't even try and filter the info. Just read until it all starts repeating itself.
I'm not sure what schooling you are doing, but in the future give some thought to living in a city where there is an active and vibrant alternative culture. There is one in my city and it is one of our jewels.
No problem. You are just a late bloomer and often they are the most interesting people.
Amazon.com is going to be your new friend. I can't tell you how many intellectually interesting, but very naughty, books I have ordered on Amazon. They come in a cardboard box.
Maybe order something innocuous and see how the packaging is. But I've had no problems (because you want to maintain your privacy). And then have an area in your room that is locked (perhaps a cabinet) and keep the books locked up.
Just because you are into bisexuality doesn't mean everyone is. And we have to respect that. This is the kind of subject that is only discussed with a special intimate partner. Don't leave the books lying around.
My advice is read anything you can get your hands on. Don't even try and filter the info. Just read until it all starts repeating itself.
I'm not sure what schooling you are doing, but in the future give some thought to living in a city where there is an active and vibrant alternative culture. There is one in my city and it is one of our jewels.
Cheers.. Im gonna try and join some relevant groups or clubs, where It may open up for me.. Just been looking at the books on amazon, and ebay.. might have to look in the shops aswell
Am hoping I can be with sumone soon, who is similar to my age and has the same interests as me
I have joined a couple of clubs, but from the looks of it, it doesnt seem to be working that well for me. So I shell probabaly go to a couple of different groups instead.. I do have a couple of interests. some of uni guys I talk to in class, have the same interest aswell. But I dont wanna come over as desperate to them, if you know wat I mean
It's going great. I forced myself to get out there and am actually not a shy person at all anymore. It's hard at first but you gotta push yourself through that uncomfortable phase to get somewhere.
Just keep your eye out for posters and what not, if you hear the guys in your class talking about going somewhere to do the things that interest you just ask them about it. You can always just say, "oh sorry but I overheard you guys talking about _____. " Go from there.
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thanks.. I also wish you all the best with life, and hope your day has been good
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