[Butterflying]

So I'm entertaining this guy at my house. Things were getting really hot. My phone rings. It's my mom. Instead of answering it, pressed the button to send it straight to voicemail. Then I continued things with my guy.

From that point, he and started making out. There was some light music playing in the background. We were laughing and obviously having a great time. It wasn't anything too erotic. But it was intimate.

And then we got into a discussion about our relationship. We talked about taking things to the next level (having sex, commitment, ect). I made it clear that I didn't want an FWB situation.

Just as we finished the converstation and went into the kitchen to get a snack, I noticed that the screen on my cell phone was lit up. A call was in progress and had been for over 20 minutes. It was my mom!

Instead of sending her call to voice mail, I had answered it by mistake. And she held the line listening to everything that was going on between me and that guy the whole time.

I was embarassed, and violated. Why didn't she hang up and call back once she realized I was involved with someone and obviously unaware of her presence?

What would you have done if your mom had done that to you? Am I wrong for being absolutely upset with my mom for this?

[CarrieT]

I guess it might depend on what type of relationship you had with your mother; some women might have answered the phone BECAUSE they would want their mother to hear and then offer advice later.

Apparently you are not one of those people so you need to come out directly and talk to your mom about it. Otherwise you will have an elephant in the room whenever you deal with your mom about relationships.

[Butterflying]

my mom has a history of invading my privacy. We've talked and argued about that many times when I lived at home as a teenager. She used to read my diary, read my mail, go through my closets, and check my purse. Her reasoning was that as long as I lived under her roof, my business was her business. I was not allowed to close my room door except to get dressed or undressed. Friends were only allowed over when my parents were home. It didn't matter if they were male or female.

This is one of the main reasons that I moved away from home when I was 18 years old and never returned to live there.

Everyone needs privacy no matter what age. Now this situation with my mom and the phone has me on the edge. I feel like this was the last straw. But I don't know what to do or how to handle it.

[boundaryproblem]

1. Are you sure mom was listening in? Your post said 20 min call, but when you realized the line was 'live' did you confirm that she was there and had been for 20 minutes?

You seem satisfied that she listened the whole time, so I will proceed on that assumption.

2. My mom would never do that to me. She would want some details the next day if there was a man over, but never intimate-type details.

This wasn't your mom listening to you having friends over and partying. This was an intimate scene with a man and your mom should not have been eavesdropping.

3. I think you should punish her in some fashion. You know her best. Tailor the punishment to her foibles for maximum effect. I suspect she will respond and think twice about violating your privacy in the future. It won't guarantee a cure, but she will think twice.

[Butterflying]

Thanks for those tips. Yes I did check to see if she was really listening because as soon as I realized the call was live, I picked up the phone and said "hello." She seemed startled like she was surprised I picked up. I asked her if everything was okay to make sure she wasn't sick or something. Then I told her I would call her back later. I didn't want to deal with her evesdropping in front of my date.

Thank goodness my date had a sense of humor. He just laughed about it like it was no big deal. I acted the same. But deep down, I was boiling with anger over what my mom did. As soon as he left, I called her.

[jaclynxox89]

i feel like my mom would do the same thing to me. i cant imagine it though. i would have some communication with her over this. tell her how you feel. you are a grown adult. don't yell or argure, that wont get you as far, just get your point across. you were violated, and she had no right to do that. do whatever you have to do to make sure it will never happen again. good luck