[boundaryproblem]

Sounds like your soon-to-be mother-in-law is a narcissist.

Better read up on them.

They have to be handled a certain way. E tried to warn you.

I divorced my husband over this because he would not stand up to his mom.

Create a lot of distance (emotional and physical) between J/you and her - and your marriage will be fine.

It is all about boundaries. J has to help you enforce them.

Be reasonable in that she has her needs, so you don't need to twist the knife, but you have to clearly delineate the intimacy zone with J or there will be no real marriage.

She thrives on attention and will do anything to get it. If there is no real issue, she will make one up. Which is why she is making you feel crazy.