Wow, Haven't checked on this thread for quite awhile. Thanks everyone for all the insightful input from both sides of the fence. Quick update, I am divorced now and have made a home for myself on the seperation and divorce board and have learned a lot and am trying hard to pass it along to others.
I wood like to address some of the angrier responses that basicly infer that i am some sort of closet wife beater looking for justification, i assure you that my OP was very honest in all that I said. While I have come to realize that those actions where most definitely abusive and wrong, I have also been able to isolate what had spurred them on in each occurance. Happily, those posts were few and the rest have been very helpful to me.
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Originally Posted by jasminetea
Another very useful thread for me to read with some great advice.
OP, please do tell us how you managed to do it, I'm sure there's lots that would benefit, I certainly would!
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Well, I must admit that i am still verymuch a work in progress, but the greatest lessons came from coping with all the other emotions of divorce. The grief and depression are horrible, as is the anger. The decision i made for myself was to look at what my actions would do in relation to that emotion and if those actions were directed in the right place. As it relates to anger, it came down to if what i was going to act upon was the actual source for my anger or the last straw so to speak. Stresses of life have a tendency to build if not released healthily, and the unlucky target is usually the last one to add to the pile. In my marriage for example, there were stresses from work, family, friends, my self imposed stress, etc. and then my wifes contribution. In my way of looking at things now, i give each it's due and then move on. I process my work life before entering into my home life, friend life, family life etc, so none of those stresses are unfairly placed on someone or something undeserving. Find peace with one before moving on to the other. Not sure if that makes sense but it works for me.
TOJAZ
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