[rachel3]

DEar Forum,

I have been married for 15years. My husband has had many women friends and at least three affairs. This last affair I discovered through his working from home and the caller ID kept reading a number from his previous employer.

He has been fired from 5 jobs in the last year and a half and all of his jobs since we have been married. The women are his symptoms for low self esteem and I think I just tried over and over again with councelors to try and change him. Now the the third affair is in the open he wants to move out, however I felt cheated and stupid for once again believing he loved his family. He really loves himslef and his own needs.

The first week in May after I discovered the phone calls he was hiding he hit and kick me and tried to strangle me, the police were called, I was taken to the hospital and I am still recovering from my bruised lung and of course he was arrested. However he said he was sorry and cried and cried. But didn'r want to give up the girlfriend. This abuse is just one more thing I didn't need. Es[ecially to testify against him in open court.

I tried despirately over the last 5 years to hold it together only to throw him out on June 1st, when I just couldn't take the emotional distance any longer. He called 20 times after I sent him packing and then last night called and I allowed him to talk with the children.

Ironically I miss him, I guess it will take time to get over this mess, he has his girlfriend and I'm left with everything to financially take care of, he doesn't want a separate checkings account he want me to pay our bills and his until he figures out what he wants.

Used and confused, just need someone to talk with.
Rachel