[writerchick04]

Whew...where do I start?

I am 22-years-old and I have been married for approximately 9 months. I knew my husband from high school and we started dating shortly after we graduated. After a 10 month break-up, we got back together and decided (at 20) that this was it, true love and we wanted to be together forever. We finished college and got married a few months later.

Since we've been married I have had a lot of doubts about the decision that we made. A few times I had brought it up to my husband and he freaked out that I regretted marrying him. I would always let it go because it hurt him so much when I would try to talk to him about it.

A lot has happened since we've been married, the major thing being that I was laid off from my job. Then, a few weeks ago I had the opportunity to go visit with my sister in Hawaii. That week is what brings me here today. I had a chance for the first time in 2 years to be alone and really ponder my life and the decisions that I've made and I was truly scared. I realized that I was very unsure if I had made the right choice. I realized that I was 22 and had sealed the deal on my future. In addition, I met this great guy whom I connected with almost immediately (a friend of my sister's). He is going through a divorce (not his fault or idea at all) so we had some good conversations about relationships and what we desired from a life-long commitment and so forth. When I left Hawaii I had feelings for him, but knew they were highly irrational and wrong. However, I went into this depression almost immediately upon coming home about both my uncertain feelings of being married so young and my feelings for this guy.

The day after I returned, my "friend" called me and we had a great talk and proceeded to start calling and emailing each other for a few days. By the third day I realized that I couldn't keep any of it from my husband and sat him down to talk. I first told him about my feelings of doubt and being scared and not being sure if we made the right decision. Then I told him about my friend, but wanted to point out that he was not the reason I was saying all of this. My husband's first request was to stop communicating with my friend, which I agreed to. The second was to see a counselor, which I also agreed to do. I contacted my friend and told him that I needed to devote time and energy to my marriage right now and requested that we stop talking. He said okay, then called me over the weekend to tell me that he had told my sister how he feels about me. Which of course further complicates that situation. I told him I appreciated him telling me, but to please respect my need to be with my husband right now.

So, we went to counseling and the therapist basically confirmed what I already knew: that we had not developed ourselves as individuals before we got married and now I was hurting over that lack of identity. In addition we discussed our extreme personality differences and that it would be hard, but manageable.

We have started telling our friends what is going on, and I have to say I am getting a lot of anger from them. They are all people who have married young as well, but are okay with having one identity with their partner. I am very afraid right now of so many things: making the wrong decision, disappointing my family and friends, being alone, being married, & the list goes on. But there is this relentless nagging on my heart that I am starting down a life path that doesn't make me happy. Not because my husband is a bad man, in fact he is just the opposite. He is sweet, faithful, loving, trusting (or was), etc. He is great. But I don't know if he is great for me, or vice versa. I want us both to be the best people that we can be, and I am not sure if we can do that with each other.

Any advice/guidance/help? I don't feel so much like I am giving up to early, more that I didn't make the right decision in the first place.