I feel like such an idiot writing this. I know that I'm an adult and my mother's comments and behavior shouldn't bother me, but they still do. I know, I'm a suck.
I grew up with every material thing and married parents, yet my mother was physically and emotionally abusive. One example would be that I used a spoon that was too small, while she was forcing me to learn how to cook so that I could be a good wife. (None of my brothers were ever forced to cook) She hit me in the face with it. She was also not above calling me names such as "whore" "****ing idiot" and also "black and ugly". We are a black family, but my skin is darker than hers.
My youngest brother never received any of this treatment. I was always compared unfavorably to him. A few years ago, she told me that my eldest bro (who is a lawyer who does whatever she wants) and my youngest are her two "best kids"
I have a brother that lives in New York as well; he and I are **** to her I guess.
I suffer from severe mood issues that landed me in the hospital years ago. I'm doing much better today although I will need to be on meds for the rest of my life. The therapists I saw always said that my mother caused my mood problems.
I'm getting married to a man that I feel is my karmic reward for all the sadness I've had.
My mother is being very sweet to me suddenly...she says she loves me and that I will never know how much she does. "It's just that your brother is the youngest and I have a special love for him because he's my baby" I think it's a crock of ****...any mother that can give dinner to the person that molested her daughter should be shot. I only have contact with her because of my father; he has always treated me well.
My questions are these: 1. Why the sudden lovely words from my Mom?
2. How can I ever get over all this? I try not to think about it, but it haunts my dreams.
Thanks for not judging too harshly. It was difficult for me to write this, but I need to for my healing.
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