[Nikki Sahagin]

Since the breakup of my 2 year + relationship, i've been trying to analyse/understand how I have contributed to its downfall. One thing i've noticed is that I don't like relationships that develop in the 'normal, healthy way' i.e. boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy and girl go out. I find this boring, unfulfilling and for some reason I become the emotionally unavailable one who wants to run away. I am drawn to relationships with someone where there is a challenge, drama, something to conquer. To me this equals passion, intensity and the passion and intensity of the situation transfers onto the person. I honestly believe this is the only way I could love someone again....I just can't fall for people in the conventional normal way....so it seems to me I would need to always put myself in painful and damaging situations simply to fall in love. This way sound very weird....but I think I almost have a fairytale/movie view of love, where the suffering of love makes that love unique and special, whereas a happy, normal lovelife to me seems very boring, and I don't think it would fulfill me.

Any ideas of how to stop being like this?