[supportseeker]

My boyfriend has a horrible past. He's cheated on his ex wife and only been with trashy girls..lots and lots of them..I'm talking 70+. Doesn't having casual sex become a habit after having been with that many women? He says he doesn't desire that any more. He's been depressed for about 10 years but he's making an effort to change that now. Actually, he's made many changes in his lifestyle and seems to be much more committed to his religion too. I don't want to take credit for any of the changes he's made. I just encouraged him to get back in school and he did. He says I'm the best thing that ever happened to him, but I can't help to think he's only with me because I can help him with school and some other things. He never really touches me, kisses me, and he looks at other girls's butts (Is it just me or does this drive other women crazy too?). I don't have any reason to think he's cheating on me. He's always at home, or if not, he tells me where he goes. Is he just not interested in me? He never even holds my hand and when we're making love he always turns away and doesn't look at me or closes his eyes . I am overweight and even though he denies it, I'm pretty sure he's not attracted to my body-type. He's so curious about my friends..I'll just mention something about them and he won't stop asking me questions...it's like he wants them but he knows they'd never even look at him until he got his degree and got his stuff together. He like Spanish women and he really wants to learn Spanish. He's taking a spanish class right now and he goes to see his spanish teacher during her office hours to ask for help with his homework almost every day even though I tell him it really hurts me when he does. He says it's just for school. I think he really likes her and goes to her office because he wants to be around her. Is he just with me because I can help him with his school? He's hit me a few times when i've stressed him out about being with other women. This is my first real relationship and I think I'm just really insecure about myself and that's why I'm jealous. Can I get some feedback please? Deep down, I know I should leave him but I don't have any friends and my whole day pretty much revolves around him. How can I leave him for good without feeling too much pain?