[Worried girlfriend]

I've recently read a lot of threads in here and it has been a real eye opener and very useful, thank you! Like many others in here, I've never done drugs at the age of 35 and have very strong principles against drugs. However, my boyfriend (age 42) through 1 year does cocaine. I found out 7 months into our relationship and I kicked him out on the spot when I found out. I cannot and I will not accept drugs in my life.

Well, I guess you all know the story about loving someone and taking him back because he promises to stop. So here we are 5 months later and I'm afraid that not much has changed. This has led me to going through his things which I deeply regret but I found it necessary to collect "evidence" of his abuse before confronting him again and again.

But there are still some things that are unclear to me. I think he has done it probably every other day while I've known him and mostly alone. He says that it is only recreational use but to me it looks like a clear case of addiction. Furthermore, as I've seen in another thread in here, we were away for two weeks over Christmas and he didn’t do it but the day we came back he called his dealer.

So my first question: is taking cocaine every other day recreational? What is the frequency of recreational? Once a week, once a month?

And then: what is the average amount that people take? I know that he buys 5 grams at a time – but he won't tell me how long it lasts or how much he takes at a time. I know that he buys at least 10 grams a month.

I know that he has done for at least 2 and half years now (he said he started when his father died) so what maybe started out as an escape form the harsh reality has now f**ked up his life completely.

Anyway, after having had many rows lately because he keeps taking cocaine and me basically kicking him out time after time for being inconsiderate and not respecting my boundaries (he has never been violent or cheated on me though), he has promised that he will stop doing cocaine. And I love him and I want to believe him….but I suppose like all active addicts he is most likely lying. So here comes the core:

Ideally, he would enter a NA programme but living in a French speaking city (and he only speaks English), I'm not sure that is possible or that he wants to. Anyway, he tends to think that he can deal with this himself and I want to give the benefit of the doubt. However, would it be too much to ask him to do drug tests at home? And can you recommend any?

Secondly, would it be wrong of me to tell his friends (some do coke and others don't) that he has an addiction problem (which they don't know about and may not have themselves) and that they should not offer him any coke if they go out (which is really rare by the way) as they will only make it more difficult for him?

Sorry for this long thread but I do love him and I just want to help him to have a normal and happy life (hopefully with me).