Broken Promises = Broken Heart

beenlurking

I'm feeling down today. I cought my husband in another lie. Another broken promise. Why do some people claim to love someone - show them in many ways that they DO love them, cry when they have hurt the someone they love, and then turn around and keep breaking the same promise over and over again!

My husband hasn't touched me in literally years. He says he wants to but he never "feels" it. When I make a play for him or when we even have tried to schedule something, he ends up not being in the mood. He says he just does not have a libido any more and never gets erections. But he jerks off in front of his computer. If he wasn't jerking off he wouldn't be hiding his pornography.

I don't care if he wants to look at porn - but why lie about it and tell me he can't get it up when he can? If he loves me so much, why does he use his 'one shot' on himself and leave me alone?

I don't want to be married to someone else. I love him, but I can't stand the hurting from the lies. We've been through counseling. That did not help at all.

I've suggested sharing porn, trying toys and lotions, role-play, new places, new positions, bondage, tickling, etc. and he does not want to. He SAYS he does want to--but not now. Then when? After finding the evidence of his lies (thats what hidden porn represents to me - evidence of a lie and a broken promise) I have no desire because my heart is broken. I want to make love with him -- but I don't because it sickens me now because of the LIE.

Why do people do this? Why? How can I ever trust him? Even if he does start being intimate with me again (which I doubt) how can I be responsive if I don't trust him? Part of me wants to just lash out and hurt him somehow, but I don't know what WOULD hurt him. He doesn't seem to care anymore--not really. If he did, he would not do this to me- his wife who he says he loves and who he has made promises to. I know he is not having an affair--I would be able to tell if there were someone else because through MY friends who work with him, I know where he is all the time. He knows where I am all the time too.

If he won't go in for more counseling (because of money mainly, not because he refuses) what can I tell him he needs to do so I can trust him again? I don't even know what it will take for me to trust him again. How do I deal with this now? All I want is an average, run of the mill, marriage. I don't expect sparks and wild passion---we are too old for that. I do expect respect and trust and those things are gone now. How do I get them back? I don't want to leave him because I won't trust anyone else again either and at least the rest of his life is a known quantity.

I'd rather keep the used car I have and deal with the problems I know about, then buy someone elses used car and not have a clue what problems it has.

Why does he do this? What do I do?