[critter]

Help help help, how do I rectify this situation without commiting an act of violence!?

All right. She's the soon-to-be ex-wife of my fiance's best friend of 32 years(she left him). The ex, and to some degree my fiance, poo ppoo her behavior saying that she's really a sweet person, that she's not intentionally trying to cause trouble, that she really doesn't KNOW what she's doing. My fiance just says she's not right in the head.

Her behavior is not limited to my fiance.

She:
Appears at my door, and the door of other mutual friends (who are also in realtionships) wearing, well rather, not wearing much. Short short skirts sometimes with underwear, sometimes without...in either case she will sit herself directly across from the male in the room as if she were wearing jeans, I can tell you she has a penchant for strings and granny underwear. (although the sans underwear trip she usually reserves for those moments when she finds herself alone with the male of the moment. My friend Oliver tells me that she sat spread eagled in front of him not wearing any underwear in a skirt that looks more like a shred of toilet paper.)

Tells my fiance that she needs to find a man "like him" blah blah blah "like him"

Engages in wholly inappropriate flirting, not the harmless type at all. And generally has to be the center of all male lust, no matter what cost to her dignity and self-respect and surely without a single thought as to her lack of respect for our realtionship and the relationships of others.

In front of her husband (still married then), my fiance and myself, she felt it necessary to lift up her shirt and display (not just flash - although just a flash wouldn't make it any better) her breasts. Which is also a favorite beahvior for her...to wear shirts that...did I say shirts? I meant to say meager torso attire...and then find every opportunity to bend over showing both T and A, rubbing on my fiance and the boyfriends of our mutual acquaintance etc etc etc.

And please, let's not forget the verbal exercise she engages in...but why type it all, I'm sure you all get the picture.

My boyfriend knows how much this upsets me, but he consistently replies that it's no big deal, she's whacko...don't be so jealous (here's a tip guys: It is more than possible it is LIKELY that your girlfriends are capable of much more sophisticated emotions that sheer jealousy - perhaps even feeling affronted in the face of abject disrespect...so try not to wash everything away with the chauvinist, ignorant, insensitive and UNLOVING knee-jerk response of "you're just jealous" or any of it's mutations) and she in turn has mentioned, unsolicited I might add - so it's clear that this little skirt of horrors knows she's been behaving badly, that "what's a little flesh between friends. I'm friends with her ex, so I've discussed it with him, and the response is generally the same.

My boyfriend changed his tune a bit when I finally lost my sense of diplomacy and said, "Why am I the one who has to eat all the s--t and stuff my anger, when she's the one slapping me, you AND HERSLEF in the face all the time? Why should I be expected to eat this and LIKE IT!? Of COURSE YOU DON'T THINK IT'S A BIG DEAL...YOU'RE ON THE FLATTERED RECEIVING END!! HOW ABSOLUTELY SELF-CENTERED AND CRUEL TO ME IS THAT RESPONSE!?" (To which he said, "I never thought of it that way...you're right...but don't make trouble anyway.." (It's early in his training so I've decided to withold his morning walks until he gets it )

I really want to talk to her about this but everyone is telling me to leave it alone (well all the males in the circle that is)

Okay, that was a lie, I would like to tear her head off, if for no other reason than to see if there really is far less than the average grey matter in there.

I'd also like it if my boyfriend could grow the b-lls to tell her himself. (well, I gotta have a dream, right?) I can understand the ex not wanting to believe that she's manipulative, inappropriate etc...who wants to admit you've been married to a social psychopath?


PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell me what you think I should do. I'm mired in the mutual relations between all of us, but I just don't think I can tolerate this one more day and I'd really like to live without this anger and disgust.

Trying to be Zen and failing miserably...
critter