[love2004]

For eight months I have been dating a good man who has two children ages 14 and 11. I have a 4 year old who have raised completely on my own. I am having some difficulty finding information on the web and I am hoping someone could help. MY BF's 11 year old had a stroke at 16 months of age that caused frontal lobe brain damage. Her behaviors can range from autisic like to obsessive compulsive to ADD to just plain perplexing. She demands constant attention. She is not good at sharing objects or her father (in social development she functions right around 4 years old) which causes constant struggles between her and my daughter. She is a tall 11 year old and my daughter is a tiny 4 year old and I am afraid if I don't intervene in their conflicts that it will end up in my daughter being injured. To add to this, his daughter is not good at self care due to her mental delays. Physically she is fine. She has just learned to take showers and her father still has to wash her hair and dry her off. I honestly live in fear of the day that she will start her first period on his visitation weekend with them! I do not feel comfortable taking on the roll of personal care nurse for her menstural cycle and I feel even more uncomfortable that her father will have to do it. Can anyone guide me to a resource to help with giving her instruction to these self care issues and for me so I may more effectively intergrate my daughter and her. I feel like I am alone in this type of situation (though I am sure I am not). I just hope that my daughter doesn't pay the price for this relationship. Special needs sure do make blending families all the more difficult. Anyone else experienced in this???

By the way....the 14 year old and I get along great and she is an amazing teenager though I feel bad because the demands of her sister really take away from her time.