[Odradek]

I said we we're going out..and out we went!!. She did take that guy tho. And they did make out right in front of me and she sat in his lap just when i was looking and everything. It hurt for sure, I won't deny, but I kinda had no time to think about it since I was having such a wonderful time with my date. We got really silly talking and joking the entire night and by the end of the night we were huggin and kissin -not in front of them tho, I'm just not that kinda person (although sometimes I wish I were). I guess my momma just thaught me better than that.

It's a mixture of feelings you know. I really feel there might be something here with this new girl, but I can't deny I'm jealous over my ex and that guy. I guess I still love her. On the other hand I wish the best for them both, as I;ve heard from her hes a really wonderful guy. Happy, angry, jealous, confused, excited, mad...all at the same time.

What has me worrying tho is that I'm afraid I may be unknowingly using htis new girl for a shield. She's really great and I so do think she does deserve better than that, but then I also think I deserve to give myself a break.

The test of fire is gonna be Monday, when I'll have to face my ex and the guy inside my circle of friends at college. I know I'm gonna feel jealous and terrible. Maybe I should just stay out of their reach.