[cosmic_muffin]

My husband and I have been married for almost 8 yrs, we have been together for nearly 11 (since we were 16) He's had some "questionable" encounters in the past and I usually blew them off as him being just a flirt. He is in the military and we have two small sons. We moved back to our hometown and he was stationed at the local military base. We bought a home and I thought we were settling down. I admit that he was a bit absent, most of the time he was either on the computer or playing guitar in the garage, but he was at least home with us. Then he started going to hang out with friends, a girl was mentioned a couple times and then it was a mention of seeing her here and there. I went into the hospital for about a week due to illness and our infant son was in due to a bad bump on the head. When I came home from the hospital I found out that the woman had been at my house several of the days my son and I were in the hospital. He said he needed a break and wanted to go stay in the barracks for a couple days to clear his head.

Basically he just shacked up with the girl in the barracks. He came home once, crying that he wanted to come back, I asked him to spend the night at his parents and we'd take it slow because I didn't trust him. He went to lunch with the girl the *NEXT* day and acted like I had no reason to be upset. Then when I was, he said it was over and moved into an apartment with her. His parents helped pay for the apartment, they said they weren't taking sides "just helping their son". So four months go by and he gets deployed to Afganistan. He spends the holidays and every last minute with her up until his unit deploys. During this time I beg and plead with him up until he is just so ugly to me that I finally back off. He tells me to go on with my life and leave him and her alone, that I am just angry that he is happy with someone else and that I need to get over it.

My dear friend from HighSchool, whom I have kept in touch with over all these years really came through for me during this tme. I have known for years that he had more feelings for me than friendship. He spent a lot of time sitting with me while I cried and carried on. Now 4 months later, I think I could really have a future with him. But I love my husband.

Hubby is stuck in a holding area waiting to actually be shipped over. So while up there he calls and says he has ended it with the girl. He wants to come home! I am not sure what to make of it. I love him so much. He is all I have ever really known and I wish it could be some picture perfect relationship, but I just don't think I can trust him again. He of course wants me to break it off completely with my friend and never speak to him. I don't want to do that, even if he and I aren't a couple, he's my friend.

Then tonight Hubby calls to let me know that the girl is coming up to where he is. She took a months vacation and is "coming to see a friend who lives in the area" He claims he won't see her. But obviously he's talking to her, he knew she was coming. (he claims he answered his cell phone without looking to see who it was calling and that he has otherwise been avoiding her calls) I just don't believe him!

He is very upset that I won't give him the word that he can come home as soon as his deployment is over and I feel awful sending him off to war without being "there" for him. I am so torn up over it. I love him, I do, I always will. But I think he is just a cheater and always will be. He is dishonest and selfish and I can't forgive it all. He now throws my friend in my face to say I am doing the same thing and shouldn't hold it against him!

ANY ADVICE!? I can't ask anyone around here since neutral folks are hard to come by, all my family has one opinion, my friends were all both our friends or they take the "leave the bum" approach! I don't know what to do, my friend wants a commitment now and my husband wants me to come back.