[HurtinginVA]

How odd is it that I find this site now? A day late and a dollar short? It seems like there are many more men feeling the way I feel than women, but I suppose that doesnt matter. Here is my story:

I am 23 years old, my husband is 22. We have a son who is almost 2. We have been together for just under 6 years (married almost 4). He has had an affair. His job has him on the road more often than not, and that is where he met the other woman. I recently discovered the affair. And all hell has broken loose.

At first, I was angry. That lasted for only a few hours. It has only been 6 days since the discovery. I am so confused. I love my husband, deeply, so much so that it feels hard to explain to anyone, though Im sure all of you know what I mean. He says that he is sorry, but that he just doesnt want to be married. He doesnt want to committ to anyone, it's not me, he just doesnt want to be in any relationship right now. He says that he doesnt want to try and make things work because we have done that before, and here we are. He says that he wants his freedom, doesnt want to have to answer to anyone.

On another note, he does say that our marriage is not hopeless, though he feels it is, he cant deny the fact that his feelings could change. But he doesnt think that they will. He still tells me that he loves me. We are, at this moment, still living in our house (we purchased our first home this past October), we are still being intimate, he calls me throughout the day, and I call him.

All I want to do is make this work. I feel like emotionally and mentally I could not handle a divorce. I cant understand why he doesnt want to try. Why does he just want to give up? I can admit that I did not realize how serious the problem(s) had become. I see that now. I am willing to do whatever it takes to make this work out for us. And he is just tired of it all.

He has said things to me like "How could you still want me?", "You dont deserve someone like me", "I am worthless and selfish and mean, you shouldnt be with me". It makes me feel like the guilt and hurt from his actions are eating at him so badly that that is why he doesnt want to give "us" a chance. That kills me inside.

We talk on a daily basis about our situation, he doesnt want to leave me stranded, he doesnt want to hurt me, but he doesnt want to be with me. He says that he wants to make this as easy as possible, and I feel that the best way he could do that is to open up and give our marriage another chance. I dont want to lose him. I think I could feel better about giving him the "space" that he says he wants/needs if I knew that he would still try with "us". Maybe if he even had the attitude that he wants it to work out even though he feels so strongly that it wont. He says he just doesnt want it, maybe a little, but not enough to try.

The last thing I want to do is push him away. I want to do everything within my power to make this happen. There is so much at stake. My family and friends are really of no help, they are all so mad at him for hurting me this way, they want me to make him leave, and get a divorce. I cant accept that. This man is my heart and soul. What can I do?