[kathlene]

I love my husband very much. He has somewhat of a history of veiwing porn I guess....he hid it from me well. After we had been together for a while, and decided to move in together, I helped him move (he had moved back in with his parents..god forbid...in between selling his house and buying another) anyway, his closet had about 20 porno tapes that he said belonged to his dad and some of his dad's friends that his dad didn't want his mom to see...we had a short discussion about how we didn't need this stuff at "OUR" apartment , blah, blah, blah...he agreed and I didn't think about it anymore.....until..............

First let me say that I am not anti-porn. A little porn can get a normal red-blooded american woman's blood stirring...but honestly...after about an hour of watching other people screwing..it gets boring and it is really just a precursor to foreplay for me, but anyway.............

we had been together about six months when we moved in together...we had a really fast and deep relationship. But after we moved in together sex really slowed down...I was 37 approaching my sexual peak and he was 26 FOR GOD'S SAKE!!! I wanted sex everyday. I would try to entice him almost everyday and from the beginning he seemed a little awkward (especially after boasting about MANY sexual encounters...which his sister vouched for) but he seemed really disinterested and said if I wouldn't ask for it so much.....

Well, one day I suprised him when he came from out of town and found 2 tapes on the livingroom floor ready for viewing!! I was SOOOOOOOO frigging upset...that he would look at that crap and jerk off or whatever and not have sex with me. Of course he even denied that they were his...he was taking them back to the video store for a friend and was going to watch them. OF course I called the number on the tape and verified that they were his. I was so hurt. I felt so ugly and unwanted..it took me days or weeks to really get over it. Well, he apologized and what not...whatever it took to make me feel better, but sex did not increase. We ended up getting married one year to the day that we met and he has been a wonderful husband.

We have been married a year and a half now and I love him to death but it has been one thing after another with this porn thing. Always secretly behind my back!
I have begged him to talk to me about it and of course he blames it on me, or stress or says everyone does it, etc. usual guy things. He has ran up our cable bill several times and tried to hide it. Then I found out he was going on the internet when we got a new computer. Then he actually bought tapes and hid them in the house. Now we are at a point where I can find out everything he looks at on the computer, I have put a code on the cable box so he can't do that...I am going crazy. I told him I would watch them with him, if he wanted to masturbate,,I don't care. (OH YEA, he swears to god he doesn't mastsurbate) I have tried to be sooooooooooo understanding, but he says it is stupid for him to watch porn with me.

Then last month he gave me his word that he would not do it anymore after I found some tapes he had purchased. Well, this week I found out that he had charged some to our cable bill....I blew up. It just about killed me. We have been going round and round since Friday. You guys just have no idea how it makes a woman feel to know that the love of her life "prefers" that to you. My husband is loving and good to me, we have a son that he adores...but he has shut me out of this secretive life of his and I just don't know what to do........I will do anything to work this out but unfortunately I can't live with this deception over and over. I feel like I can't trust him--that if he will do that behind my back --what else will he do? I fell unwanted...that what we have is not real...what do yall think?