Psychological/Mentally Abusive Parent

Bethiepooh

(Thinking how to condense a long story.....................)

Let's start by saying that the last 13-14 years have been absolute mental and psychological chaos. My mother is very controlling and manipulative. She has to know everything that is going on and if she doesn't, she will threaten you. It has been as severe as her telling me I was allergic to some foods just because they aren't healthy. When I went to try those foods, I was so scared, I almost got sick. I tried them and everything was fine. I confronted her about it and that's when she told me that they are not good for me.

I have lived out of the house for almost a year now, but only live about 20 minutes away. But, at least she cannot use the "You live under my roof (my dad's actually - mom doesn't work, but I wish she has over the years), you go by my rules."

Since this has gone on so long and I am now 24, it is effecting my life in many ways. My mother and I have had a weird relationship. I am best friends with her, but I am best enemies. I know that is typical, but this is actually horrible. It has affected a relationship I was in and that has been put on hold b/c he told me "I need a supporting friendship right now more than I need a relationship." I think that is great and respect him for that.

My self-esteem has been greatly impacted by this treatment over the last 13-14 years. My mother refuses to get help, so I realize that I have to get help for myself. I simply cannot go on like this. My current psychological state has impacted my intimate relationships, my spirituality, my job, and any other aspect you can think of. It's to the point where I fear telling my mom things because she focuses on the negative. But, I also feel horrible if I don't tell her something b/c I feel like I will be hiding something/lying to her.

I have avoided calling her the last few weeks, but she has called me every day. It is to the point that she is recognizing it and is asking me about it. I refuse to talk to her about it until I talk to my counselor, which will be tonight. I am pretty depressed about the whole situation right now and just want casual/friendly advice.

My parents are still married (unfortunately) and my dad is absolutely miserable for the same reasons I am. I have confided in him a small amount, but he told me yesterday not to confide him with anything about my mother anymore. I understand that concern, but that's one less person I can go to.

When I talk to my mother, it will have very negative impacts on my relationship with my father and brother. It will probably cause hell in their house and I will feel guilty about it.

I hung up on my mother Monday night b/c she wasn't listening to anything I was saying. I automatically had a guilt trip (which triggered depression) and called her to apologize. Luckily, she was in the tub. I found out yesterday that my parents stayed up talking until 2am Monday night and I feel guilty for that. I feel guilty for everything that happens in the house even though I do not live there.

Unfortunately, my relationship with this guy gets the grunt of all my emotional stress and it hacks me off. Why would that be happening? My mind isn't allowing my heart to trust him, even though he has never done anything wrong - he is wonderful!!

Any advice on A.) Whether I should even sit down and talk to my mom OR B.) Why everything defaults to the awesome relationship I am involved in, would be GREATLY appreciated!

And, FYI: I am currently seeing a wonderful psychologist who is helping me greatly and next Monday, I will be seeing a psychiatrist. I think that I may suffer from OCD due, in part, to this situation.