[sean001]

I am transitioning from a friendship to a committed relationship and it is not going well. I need advice on what to do because I want it to work out. Here's the history:

We went to high school together but never really talked there. We re-met at our high school reunion and started casually dating about 2 years ago. We didn't "stay" dating, it became more a friendship, although there was always some stronger undertones with the situation.

Unfortunately, from the reunion until about 2 months ago, I had the worst period of my life. I had to deal with a job loss and a move, and then the passing away of my father and my best friend. I was not emotionally able to be in a committed relationship and I told her so.

But she still stayed around and supported me as her friend. Somewhere along the line she realized she loved me, and told me. I explained where I was at (she knew), I told her it might be painful to be in a situation with me if I can't reciprocate, and I also continued to casually date other people also. She stayed around, but eventually got so jealous and felt so much pain that about a month ago she stopped speaking to me. This was right after I just got done selling my father's house and finally reaching some closure on his sudden death.

Unfortunately, her leaving forced to the surface the feelings I had that I couldn't admit. I went to her after she left and asked several times if she would want to try a committed relationship... and she eventually said yes.

But the dillema is that ever since she agreed, she has treated me like dirt -- like she couldn't be bothered with me. It is so painful everytime we get together because she is completely distant and puts no effort into the situation. I've given her the keys to my place, sent her flowers, made a song for her, and try as best I can to let her know how much she means to me. But I've gotten nothing in return. She was actually nicer to me when there was no commitment.

It hurts so much that I don't know how long I can go on. We have talked to death the issue of where she is -- she says she is having a hard time making the transition... that she is not used to me being around so much... that she feels I broke her heart before (even though i didn't know it)... that she is having a hard time falling in love again.

I truly don't know the best approach. I've made myself available 24/7 for her, but part of me feels like that could be smothering her. I told her today that if she wanted to get together for dinner to call me -- she never did. I don't know if I need to be cool and give her space... or if she needs to know that I am here and always thinking about her, which i am.

If anyone has been through this, I would really appreciate your advice. I don't know what to do because I've never made this type of transition before.