[Jr_Arch]

My wife & I have been married for 4 years & dated 2 years. As of the begiining of this year, she started to take a night class at the local jr college. No big deal. After a few weeks, she would go out to dinner with her new found classmates, sometimes 3 nights a week after class. (She even went out on valentines night, the night I proposed 5 years prior.) I felt resentful about all this & quite jealous. Unfortunately, we shut ourselves off from each other. I did in hopes she would realize what all this was doing to me. She didn't. We didn't know how to communicate. One night after class, she tells me that shes made an appointment to talk to a lawyer (the next day). This was a shock, even though I knew this was where we were heading. We decided though to seek a marriage counselor. For the past couple (7) of months we have been seeing this counselor. One day last month though, I found some notes she had written while in class. These 'notes' were exchanges with another classmate. They were about sexual situations (spanking & types of panties she could wear for them). I was devastated to say the least. She said it was all 'trash talk' & joking around, & thats what they do in class. Come to find out (after a big argument), she likes the attention from other men. Im not sure if has to do with her past view about her body image (not enough attention in high school) or if its an issue regarding sex appeal. I thought we had a decent sex life, & I lust after her all the time.

Since then another situation arose when I went out of town on business for a weekend. While I was away, I found out (found a credit card receipt) that she had gone to a honky tonk with one of her girlfriends. It would have been nice if she would have told me she was going there. She tried to lie about it when I confronted her. When I finally wouldn't take the lies, she said that she didn't want to tell me b/c I would get mad about it..... Duh I couldn't believe she would go to a sleazy night club at 1 am in the morning to "just sit there & watch" as she puts it. Bars are watering holes and meat markets. People go there to couple up. She knows that's an issue within our relationship, b/c we've been seeing a counselor for the PAST 7 MONTHS. Im at a lost on what to do know.

DrPhil tells it like it is..."Don't play word games about whether or not something was an "affair." The best litmus test: If you wouldn't do something in front of your spouse, then it's inappropriate behavior."

She just doesn't seem to get it.