[Fiji]

I apologise in advance for this complicated story

I got a rare illness which meant I had to have some of my small intestine removed. My boyfirned at the time, peter, stood by me all the way through it and we got engaged. Shortly afterwards I ended up back in hospital and was told I had severe scar tissue around my fallopian tubes and was told i could never concieve. peter and i were devestated at the time but went ahead with our lives and I began working as a singer again. Just two months later I discovered I was preganant. i was absolutely overjoyed and me and peter began planning for the baby. When i went for a routine scan, i was told the babies spine wasn't forming properly, due to my illness and all the medication i had the baby would be born deformed. I didn't want to put a tiny baby through all that pain so my doctor arranged a termination.

Just before the termination, peter took a knife to me one night during an argument and cut my shoulder. He said i was selfish for getting rid of the baby even though it posed a danger to my own life.

I went through with the termination witthout him and the only person who supported me (I have no living relatives) was his best friend, Steven. Now, I'm working again and have a nice new flat but Ii can't move on from getting rid of my baby. And now Steven has told me he loves me and wants to support me. I admit, he has been there and over time my feelings for him have developed but I'm not sure its a good idea

Although I know he could support me emotionally, Peter would get involved and it would become to difficult to have a relationship with him.

I need to know how I can move on and how I can get together with Steven by causing the min amount of damage, i suppose I'm being selfish, i want some happiness.

Steven and I have ended up in bed a few times, which confuses me ven more because when we have been together he is so loving and caring. he is always there to hold me and when i need him he is always around. Is what we want to do wrong?