is my boyfriend bi/gay? or am I just getting paranoid?
this may sound strange, but I registered on this site to find out whats going on with my boyfriend...and the replies that the member make to other members forums seem very relieving...
anyways, it all started on May 2004. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and 7 months now...but this thought always comes to my head "IS HE BI? DOES HE LIKE GUYS, DO GUYS ARROUSE HIM?" he's always been a pretty boy, he had numerous girlfriends before me, and had so many flings and one night stands with other women, he's cheated on this one girl he was dating and so far I'm the girl he's been with the longest. We actually had problems with him and other girls, until this day I don't know if he's cheated on me. He claims that he's kissed another girl and was guilty about the situation...therefore I had a trust issue concerning my boyfriend....so soon later on, on May 2004. I decided to spy on him, because for some strange reason I felt like something was goin on, thinking to myself maybe he's still seeing other girls.. He got off from work, and i followed him. I was driving far behind him and called him to see where he was going, it was 2am and I figured he would go home after work...So I call him and he tells me he's still at work, and off the bat, he's lying to me...I'm following him on the road, and he's telling me that he's still at work and he's on his way home, I started to freak out. So i continued to follow him until he pulls up to a house (I HAVE NO IDEA WHO LIVES THERE) and I call him back and he's acting really strange. I started to trip out on him, I said that my friend saw his car pull up into someones garage, and then all of a sudden he pulls out of the house, while i parked at the corner of the street. he's freakin out on why i'm gettin all crazy, then he suggest that we meet up to prove to me that he was on his way home. We meet up and he's calm and wondering waht was goin on, I tell him that my friend calls me and tells me that they saw his car pull up into someones house... (while the whole time it was me who followed him) then he says that he pulled up into his grandparents place (and believe me, that wasnt his grandparents place).
The whole time I had this strange feeling that something was going on, he tells me that nothing was going on. but I didnt believe him and stormed off, pissed and ready to dump him. The following day, i still wouldn't beleive him, its just this strange feeling i get...He goes to my house and tells me supposedly the truth, he comes off telling me that he went to a guys house. He said that he was chattin with this guy online (I dont know how long) and this guy made him feel good, when my boyfriend was talking about problems going on at work and other things as well. My boyfriend said on that day he went to his house, he said that was the first time. That night he said that this online guy invited him to his place and my boyfriend decided to go and meet this guy (knowing the intention this "online guy" was implying, my boyfriend already knew this guy was gay)....But my boyfriend said that when he pulled up he was getting nervous and when he finally met this online guy I called and he decided it was a bad idea ( I DONT KNOW WHY HE WENT THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE, IF HE WAS THINKING IT WAS A BAD IDEA), and he left. I asked him at the time if he was gay or bi? he said "I DONT KNOW" he mentioned that he didnt know why he went there...(TO MYSELF I THINK THATS BULL****)....during that time our friends and my boyfriend and I would go this this mixed club (gays & straights) and there would always be a amateur strip show (both guys and girls). He said that he would get strange feelings when he would see these guys strip, as though he was admiring this guy's bodies ( I WAS FREAKIN OUT)....So we stopped goin to that club...and he told me that he will not chat with this guy and soon told me that he wanted to be with me and that he's not gay or bi at all (my boyfriend also mentioned that he faked his identity to this "online guy") he apologized and soon later, everything got better.
but until this day I wonder if he still has that urge to do something with another guy...I wonder if all the girls he was with didnt satisfy him anymore, including myself. At a point our sexual relationship was decreasing, (these were during stressful times) so it just confuses me all over again. but until this day, everytime I drive by that house I wonder if there was more to the "his sexual identity escapade"....and if he'd go through with that experience again...this time without gettin caught...
PLEASE HELP! there are days I lose sleep over this...
oh i forgot to mention, there has been a couple of gay guys trying to hit on my boyfriend (and females as well) he would tell me that they would approach him and he'd just be like "okay" and thats it, and he'll say that he knew that they were tryin to hit on him, and he' knows this gay guy liked him and they would exchange text messages (i wouldnt know what they texted about)he'd tell me that this guy would text him nasty things like "I had a threesome with two other guys, it was crazy" but stayed as his friend just so he can get free minutes on his cellphone and he'd just be nice to this guy (this is what my boyfriend tells me) ...what does this mean? is that a hidden signal...do gay guys know if someones bi/gay therefore, they try to hit on other guys...and what does it mean when he makes a comment on a guys body like "he has nice abs?" or "he's toned up really good"...comments these guys, rarely...but he does it anyways.
Very very very weird that he'd be going to a gay guy's house at 2am.... a gay guy he'd been chatting with online. If he was truly straight, he wouldn't be doing this, let's put it that way.
He might be gay, might be bi-curious, might be bisexual, who knows....but he's lied to you, things are definitely amiss, you're losing sleep over it...........life is short, might be best to let this one go....and for goodness sake, don't continue to have sex with him, if he is having gay sex/exploring, he's at higher risk for HIV.
Find someone who's honest, who you can trust.
EDIT: of course he could be full of sh*t and gave you the "gay guy's house" story because he was really on his way to some girl's house and freaked when you told him your friend had seen him driving into someone's driveway.........and that was the quickest lame story he could think up on short notice.....thinking it would really throw you off and not suspect him of going over to see some chick...........but either way, he obviously can't be trusted.
Last edited by indigo_moon; 25th December 2004 at 2:42 PM..
yeh i understand...until this point trust is such a hard issue for me to come by. I also came by to think maybe he just made that story up about goin to that gay guy's house...I WILL NEVER KNOW...because I found out that no guy lives in that house, aside from an old man, his wife and their two daughters. See, I found out through a friend but also, it can be possible they had a brother.... (MY friend used to work with one of the Girls that live there, my friend mentioned that her ex co-worker has a sister, but is not sure about a brother) STRANGE isnt it...
overall, I've seen that things between my boyfriend and I has improved BUT not to its entirety. I see the improvement on his side, I mean a huge improvement...if i could go on and on about my relationship with boyfriend and I, it'll be crazy....
I feel like I need a solution to this problem, indigo_moon...
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