Any ladies out there facing this situation? Falling in love with a married man? I don't know what should I do now.. leave him or carry on the relationship with him.. I am so confused...
Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 7th June 2003 at 5:01 PM..
Reason: Removed signature and link to dating service
I will never cease to be amazed that women actually get confused about falling for a married man.
Look inside yourself and ask yourself why you would want to get all wrapped up with a man who is emotionally and somewhat physically unavailable. Why would you want to break up somebody else's family? Why would you want to live on the constant sneak? Why would you want to live a lie? Why would you ultimately want to put yourself through pain and heartbreak because in the majority of cases men do not leave their wives and families for their mistress...and why should they?
Perhaps you need to see a counsellor to see why you would go for someone with whom you have little or no chance of a future. Very often it's fear of intimacy.
In any case, getting involved with a person who is married is at best chaotic and at worst fatal. Watch Crime TV sometime.
Well.. I have fallen for a married man.. & who is my MANAGER, mind you!!!! This is the second "manager" I fell for... but this one, unfortunately is married. I answered some of those questions below me. I feel like I like the "secrets." I know, thats crazy.. but for me, it makes it more interesting, i guess?? I really dont know what it is. Im still tring to figure it out, finding who I really am & why I like this life. I dated another manager, & the whole "sneaking" around was fun for me, yet in the end, i wanted more. But now, Im seeing someone who is Married.. & yes Im in the same boat w/ you. Iam 23, hes 31. What happens in that situation?
Obviously if you're here asking whether you should move on, or end things with this married man, in your heart you know carrying on with him is W R O N G.
I don't mean to be offensive, but wouldn't it be common sense that a married man is simply not available for the taking? That he's got a W I F E at home who he stood before friends, family and God and vowed to love/honor/cherish til death do them part? Forsaking all others?
How could you respect a man who's married but wanting to have someone else (you) on the side?
Don't you think you deserve more than to be someone's occasional side-dish?
It doesn't bother you to know that when he's home at night with his wife, it's not you he's having sex with and sharing most of his life with?
Why would you settle for being someone's mistress?
What about the issue of respect for your fellow woman: his wife. Don't you think we as women should stick together and respect each other, which would include respecting each others marriages and commitments? She has done nothing to you.
And if you think that he'll one day leave her for you, think again. I can't quote the statistics but percentage of cheating husbands who leave their wives for their mistresses is very very low...and those who do, the chance of divorce is astronomically high....because if they cheated on their ex with you, they'll cheat on YOU with someone else. Afterall, we're not exactly talking about a pillar of the community who values things like honesty, commitment, fidelity, marriage, faithfulness.
While this married man may seem all joy and roses, you only get to see the good/fun side of him. You don't have to live with him. He very well portrays himself as this great catch....no doubt filling you full of BS about how his wife is terrible/crazy/unstable/will take all his money if he leaves her/can't break up his family/must stay for the kids/ bla bla bla bla.......but this is only HIS side of the story. Of course married men will paint this dismal picture of how horrible their marriage is and how hard done by they are........to make the mistress feel sorry for him and to help justify their cheating.
How would YOU feel if you were married to someone and they were cheating on YOU?
As much as I know everything you are saying is right...and I totally understand...and my mind totally knows its wrong and i have to change..and i've tried too..but my heart is just so weak...and he doesn't seem to give up on me..for an year..no sex..but we know we have feelings for each other..he's married..and he isn't willign to leave his wife..but wants me too..WAT DO I Do?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Girl2
Obviously if you're here asking whether you should move on, or end things with this married man, in your heart you know carrying on with him is W R O N G.
I don't mean to be offensive, but wouldn't it be common sense that a married man is simply not available for the taking? That he's got a W I F E at home who he stood before friends, family and God and vowed to love/honor/cherish til death do them part? Forsaking all others?
How could you respect a man who's married but wanting to have someone else (you) on the side?
Don't you think you deserve more than to be someone's occasional side-dish?
It doesn't bother you to know that when he's home at night with his wife, it's not you he's having sex with and sharing most of his life with?
Why would you settle for being someone's mistress?
What about the issue of respect for your fellow woman: his wife. Don't you think we as women should stick together and respect each other, which would include respecting each others marriages and commitments? She has done nothing to you.
And if you think that he'll one day leave her for you, think again. I can't quote the statistics but percentage of cheating husbands who leave their wives for their mistresses is very very low...and those who do, the chance of divorce is astronomically high....because if they cheated on their ex with you, they'll cheat on YOU with someone else. Afterall, we're not exactly talking about a pillar of the community who values things like honesty, commitment, fidelity, marriage, faithfulness.
While this married man may seem all joy and roses, you only get to see the good/fun side of him. You don't have to live with him. He very well portrays himself as this great catch....no doubt filling you full of BS about how his wife is terrible/crazy/unstable/will take all his money if he leaves her/can't break up his family/must stay for the kids/ bla bla bla bla.......but this is only HIS side of the story. Of course married men will paint this dismal picture of how horrible their marriage is and how hard done by they are........to make the mistress feel sorry for him and to help justify their cheating.
How would YOU feel if you were married to someone and they were cheating on YOU?
Take a hard look at your character if you're even asking this question. He's married. End of discussion. Being someone who is currently dealing with his wife's affair, let me tell you that the pain you are eventually causing is infinitely more painful than the worst pain you can imagine. I found out two weeks ago and I have days that I can't even get out of bed. The pain of betrayal and humiliation is unbearable most days.
On the other hand, maybe you are doing his wife a favor. Any two people woth so little respect for the marriage comittment probably deserve each other.
If he does not want to divorce his wife, then back off. You have no right to hurt his wife and children.
If he ever left his wife for you or his wife passed away, he will only cheat on you. And you think you can stop him cheating? Try it, it won't work. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
As glamorous as they make affairs look on television and movies, it's not like that in real life. And you need to put yourself in his wife shoes: if you were married would you want your husband to get involved with another woman?? Even if the man wants to go through with the affair, you should have enough love and respect for yourself to not even allow yourself to be taken down that road.
I can see a lot of people have an opinion on this subject without even hearing the whole story. Who said anything about children? Does he even have any? I think the factors of the relationship make a huge difference. Is this a regular occurance for either of you? Has he had mistresses before? The women who responded to this are obviously very threatened by the idea of you. Honestly I'm a wife and a mistress. Who are any of us to cast judgement. I know that recently I had to make a decision because my attention could not be in two places at once. That was my personal decision to make, noone could decide for me. I know I made the right decision but that doesn't mean my heart doesn't still ache for "the other man." The question is why?
I can see a lot of people have an opinion on this subject without even hearing the whole story. Who said anything about children? Does he even have any? I think the factors of the relationship make a huge difference. Is this a regular occurance for either of you? Has he had mistresses before? The women who responded to this are obviously very threatened by the idea of you. Honestly I'm a wife and a mistress. Who are any of us to cast judgement. I know that recently I had to make a decision because my attention could not be in two places at once. That was my personal decision to make, noone could decide for me. I know I made the right decision but that doesn't mean my heart doesn't still ache for "the other man." The question is why?
I have been with my married boyfriend for 2 years now. We started out as work aquanitances then became very good friends. He doesn't ever bad mouth his wife. She is actually a nice woman, a good mother, but someone who doesn't share common interests with her husband anymore and he doesn't with her. They have acknowledge that neither are happy but they have a daughter that is more important right now. She doesn't know about me. He and I didn't mean to fall in love with each other but it happened. We have talked about his leaving when the time is right. Now is not good for the either of us. I am divorced and recovering finacially which I want to do on my own. And he has a daughter that is in need of a father and mother at the moment.
You cannot always control how you feel about someone or what destiny brings. I think he is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I enjoy him each and every day. He and his wife no longer have sex and pretty much live separate lives. He and I spend a lot of time together and see each other almost everyday. So you cannot always judge the old "book" by its cover. Sometimes you have to do what feels right whether is is morally right or not. If he never left her, I would have no regrets as he has completely changed my life. And I love him for it.
I have been with my married boyfriend for 2 years now. We started out as work aquanitances then became very good friends. He doesn't ever bad mouth his wife. She is actually a nice woman, a good mother, but someone who doesn't share common interests with her husband anymore and he doesn't with her. They have acknowledge that neither are happy but they have a daughter that is more important right now. She doesn't know about me. He and I didn't mean to fall in love with each other but it happened. We have talked about his leaving when the time is right. Now is not good for the either of us. I am divorced and recovering finacially which I want to do on my own. And he has a daughter that is in need of a father and mother at the moment.
You cannot always control how you feel about someone or what destiny brings. I think he is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I enjoy him each and every day. He and his wife no longer have sex and pretty much live separate lives. He and I spend a lot of time together and see each other almost everyday. So you cannot always judge the old "book" by its cover. Sometimes you have to do what feels right whether is is morally right or not. If he never left her, I would have no regrets as he has completely changed my life. And I love him for it.
I'd almost bet you're my xMM other OW.
If you're not, then ignore the stuff below.
If so.... let him know I love him, too. and I hope you both figure things out for yourselves, because I'm finally doing that.
I have to ask.....
Is he working on his M?
Do you know if he's come to terms with his need for "more than one woman"?
Does he realize that he really ought to be setting a better example of self-sufficiency for his daughter, instead of her seeing that it's a good idea to keep a dead marriage going.
How are you with that?
I'm not trying to be judgemental, since I've been there.
Just an ugly dose of reality.
I hope your heart can be whole.
I am a mess and I'm making a mess of my life. I have fallen in love with an older married man. I am married with several children and he is retired. It started as a friendship. We have our ups and downs, but I see past everything to a man that I adore. He will not see me because he is afraid it will become physical which would be bad for both of us given that we are both married. We have technically known each other for 25 years but have only seen each other once in the last year. Our relationship has been e-mail and cell phones. I find that I strongly desire a physical bond with this man. I'm not overtly sexually attracted to him ( although he says he is to me ), but the mental connection is amazing. I am consumed by thoughts of how sensual and surreal it would be to be physical with him.
He is afraid he could not control himself in my presence. I don't want him to. How do I get this man to see me? I need to know if what I am feeling is real.
Dazed and Confused
I can see a lot of people have an opinion on this subject without even hearing the whole story. Who said anything about children? Does he even have any? I think the factors of the relationship make a huge difference. Is this a regular occurance for either of you? Has he had mistresses before? The women who responded to this are obviously very threatened by the idea of you. Honestly I'm a wife and a mistress. Who are any of us to cast judgement. I know that recently I had to make a decision because my attention could not be in two places at once. That was my personal decision to make, noone could decide for me. I know I made the right decision but that doesn't mean my heart doesn't still ache for "the other man." The question is why?
I agree with this 100%. I am a mistress and my boyfriend's wife does know. I can tell you with all certainty that it will not be easy, and it will tear your heart out if he decides to leave her for you because yes you do know that it is wrong. Keep in mind people, different situations blur moral lines. Take a good hard look at this man's relationship with his wife. If he is having you on the side, then leave him. However, if you are what he truely wants...then you have every right to fight for him.
You almost made a convincing reason to have a wife and a mistress until YOU SAID: "because my attention could not be in two places at once".
To truly LOVE someone, not infactuation or lust, but love, leaves no room for anyone else. Children can be a by-product, but even they take back seat to the relationship. They will leave one day, and only your significant other will be there. You will get old one day, and only your significant other will be there.
The heart is one unit, not separate units that can be doled out at will.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
....help!
I'm one too
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