Hello- So I have been dating this guy for 3 1/2 years. It has been the best few years of my life. We really have a special relationship going. So here is my question to anyone out there.. when do you decide if we should go to the next level in a relationship (like being engaged or married ) or do we break up with each other. Here is my stand on the situation: I love this guy 100%, I see myself marrying him one day. I just want to make sure that we are going in that direction. I don't want to continue dating him and in 3 years from know he tells me he doesn't plan on marrying me.Is that wrong for me to think that way? Is it okay for me to want to know where we stand? Also, what happen if he can't answer these questions right know? If he says he can't commit to me right know what do I do? Do I break up with him..NEED ADVICE...Or do we work at this relationship. I honestly am not ready to give up what we have together. We have something special. Any advice would really help me out.. Thanks-

[HokeyReligions]

my advice is to talk to HIM about this. There are no rules or standards - every relationship is different. Asking a bunch of strangers on the internet, or even asking family or friends is ludicrous.

What would you do if everyone told you that you should immediately set a wedding date and get a ring, and you tell him that and he says he's not ready? Dump him because of what everyone else told you?! [color=blue]"Oh, I'm sorry, but you don't meet my schedule so bye-bye, I'll find someone who will meet my timetable"[/color]

If you are too scared to talk to him about your relationship, and so insecure about yourself that you are questioning if your feelings are okay, then you are not ready for marriage.

[Tony T]

If you're not ready to give up what the two of you have together, then I guess it doesn't really matter what advice we give you(???)

I think if your guy isn't absolutely certain after 3 1/2 years of dating you that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you there's a problem. He may have a fear of committment or he may just not be able to make decisions. But I think the faliure in his decisiveness could be a source of serious problems in the future.

It's very clear that the two of you have entirely different agendas. You seem to be working in the direction of marriage while he seems to be OK just the way its going now...and that's the way it may always be.

I personally couldn't remain with someone who wasn't sure about me after that amount of time but I certainly don't want you to give anything up. Just be prepared that at some point you may be very disappointed and your investment of time may be for naught in this case.

It's not wrong at all for you to seek and receive some information from your guy on what direction he would like to see this take. If he has absolutely no idea, just keep enjoying what you're getting and be prepared for the worst.

I wouldn't stay with a person if they weren't on the same page as I was after over three years of dating.

If this guy hasn't started mentioning marriage to you by this time, I think there may be trouble. If the two of you don't know each other well enough yet to communicate effectively about these kinds of things...another sign of trouble.

Bottom line...talk to him. Then make your own decision. But based on what you have written, there will always be the possibility that he's not the man of your dreams. The man of your dreams would have made it very clear to you by this time that YOU are the woman of HIS dreams and that he would not want to live without you. A guy who loves you with all his heart would be passionate in his desire to have you around for eternity.

Oh, maybe I'm just a romantic....nevermind!

I guess I should of been a little more honest from the beginning.
This is my first time doing this-- asking for advice on the internet. So I wasn't to sure I was going to actually get any advice. By the way, some of these emails have been really helpful- Thanks!!! So here is the real story- My boyfriend is in Medical School currently. He is getting ready to graduate this May. Also, on March 20th is Match Day for him. In a couple of days he will find out if he will be accepted into a Surgery program!! If accepted in a program he
will have a full commitment for 6 to 8 years. That is a huge commitment for him and I think he is very nervous how he can
be commitment to his career and me at the same time?? So
I guess this is a problem?I do agree if he really loves me and wants to be with me then he should be able to clearly tell me that. And if he can't do that today or the next few months then I need to know that and I need to make my descions on my feelings. Because when it all comes down to everything I need to do what is best for me.!!! I just hopes he decides me over his career.... Because that would stink if we ended things because he wasn't able to commit to both of us. I guess if he can't do that know we will have huge problems in the future together.
So open communication is what I will do, I know he wants to talk about it to so hopefully everything will work out for me. I will keep you posted. Thanks