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Jealousy Issues


BenThereDunThat

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BenThereDunThat

I'm posting this here because I can't talk to anyone else about it.

 

I've been doing NC for at least a month now. Except for the small amount of chatting we do at work, usually about work, I have been very successful. While I still think about him from time to time, I am not having a hard time with it at all.

 

Why then did the sight of seeing him come back from lunch with another woman from our office - who is not even in our department, doesn't work on any of the same accounts - set me off? I actually got sick to my stomach.

 

No responses necessary (unless you feel like it!) just venting so I can get it out of my system and out of my head!

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I'm posting this here because I can't talk to anyone else about it.

 

I've been doing NC for at least a month now. Except for the small amount of chatting we do at work, usually about work, I have been very successful. While I still think about him from time to time, I am not having a hard time with it at all.

 

Why then did the sight of seeing him come back from lunch with another woman from our office - who is not even in our department, doesn't work on any of the same accounts - set me off? I actually got sick to my stomach.

 

No responses necessary (unless you feel like it!) just venting so I can get it out of my system and out of my head!

 

 

BTDT I am sorry you had to see that.

 

JUST BREATHE! Remember you are on a diet. That chocolate cake has way to many calories!

 

He is showing some true colors huh? :sick:

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Why then did the sight of seeing him come back from lunch with another woman from our office - who is not even in our department, doesn't work on any of the same accounts - set me off? I actually got sick to my stomach.

 

I have the same problem.

Jealousy.

It seems like I can't permanently erase feelings for the MM I had a fling with (who, incidentally, happens to be a major jerk) because whenever I see him hitting on other women (or get the idea that he has successfully hit on other women) I go into a most unpleasant jealousy trip and start to seriously consider the possibility of throwing myself at his feet disguised as a doormat while begging him in a squeaking voice to walk all over me.

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I have the same problem.

Jealousy.

It seems like I can't permanently erase feelings for the MM I had a fling with (who, incidentally, happens to be a major jerk) because whenever I see him hitting on other women (or get the idea that he has successfully hit on other women) I go into a most unpleasant jealousy trip and start to seriously consider the possibility of throwing myself at his feet disguised as a doormat while begging him in a squeaking voice to walk all over me.

 

 

 

The good news is

 

It passes :bunny:

 

The bad news is

It takes time :(

 

Which do you want to be more a diva or a doormat?

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BenThereDunThat

Thanks Diva - Yeah, lucky me, got on the same elevator with them when they were coming back. Her: "I am so full!" He: "Yes, you'll have to go take a nap." Her: "Yeah, under my desk." Her: "Thanks for lunch. See you next time."

 

:sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick:

 

I just keep telling myself it's all the more reason to be completely over him. It's harder to get over someone if they've successfully convinced you that you were the only one and the only reason you're not together is because of the W. Because even if there's nothing going on between them I'm sure he at least wants to!

 

Adunaphel - you crack me up! And it's nice to hear I'm not the only one who feels like this.

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Thanks Diva - Yeah, lucky me, got on the same elevator with them when they were coming back. Her: "I am so full!" He: "Yes, you'll have to go take a nap." Her: "Yeah, under my desk." Her: "Thanks for lunch. See you next time."

 

:sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick:

 

I just keep telling myself it's all the more reason to be completely over him. It's harder to get over someone if they've successfully convinced you that you were the only one and the only reason you're not together is because of the W. Because even if there's nothing going on between them I'm sure he at least wants to!

 

Adunaphel - you crack me up! And it's nice to hear I'm not the only one who feels like this.

 

 

:o I've been there. Even if it was so long ago, I still remember all the ugly feelings in the aftermath of the A. Seeing MM trying to entice another OW into their beds is soo :sick: It made me get that sick 'I-ain't-so-special-afterall' slap in the face. And instead of anger it made me feel horrible. Everything I thought we had together felt so cheap. :rolleyes: But in an ultimate revenge way, I lived and learned. I must thank him for opening a young girls eyes to the ways of the <typical> MM. Now when a man with a ring comes 'round with sweet words, I roll my eyes and tell him I am taken myself but if I were single he would be the LAST man I would consider. :sick:

 

I know it hurts, but be glad his attentions are focusing elsewhere. That poor woman...She has no clue what she is in for :(

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BenThereDunThat

She is also married. And I hate to accuse her if nothing is going on. This is the MM that has a lot of female friends - which I always thought was strange. And when I say a lot, I mean pretty much ONLY.

 

But if something IS going on, the evil, petty side of me hopes it blows up and I get a ring side seat!:D

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Thanks Diva - Yeah, lucky me, got on the same elevator with them when they were coming back. Her: "I am so full!" He: "Yes, you'll have to go take a nap." Her: "Yeah, under my desk." Her: "Thanks for lunch. See you next time."

 

Now, that's a really deep, insightful conversation they were having.

he sounds so witty!!! No, really. He was really trying to impress her, he must have been working a lot on those lines!!!

I can understand why you are jealous - I would fall for for a guy who can be so challenging and charming as this!! :bunny: :bunny: :bunny:

 

I just keep telling myself it's all the more reason to be completely over him. It's harder to get over someone if they've successfully convinced you that you were the only one and the only reason you're not together is because of the W. Because even if there's nothing going on between them I'm sure he at least wants to!

 

I'm sorry that you are seeing things from a different perspective than the one you had when you were stuck in the affair.

And yet I'm glad that you are.

You might like a lot less what you are seeing, but you have a much wider perspective - and you can grasp the *real* situation much better.

 

Have you ever been to Athens, Greece?

If you get a postcard from Athens it will show the Acropolis.

You might wonder why postacards from Athens always show the Acropolis and why the pics in the postcards are all taken from the same angle, but it is more likely that you'll just assume that the whole city is as pretty to see as the little bit shown in the postcard.

 

Looking at MM from the stuck-into-the-affair perspective is like looking at Athen's Acropolis from that particular angle they took the postcard picture from.

Looking at MM from this new perspective is like looking at the whole city ladscape. It might be a disappointment....but you see so much more...and finally have wide-angle lenses instead of those pretty, rose tinted ones.... :)

 

(hey, no offence to any LSers that are from Athens. I actually loved the city once I was in it.

As who has been in an affair will actually learn to really like her new perspective on things!!!)

 

Adunaphel - you crack me up! And it's nice to hear I'm not the only one who feels like this.

 

I am afraid we are following the mainstream here.

How many "oh, MM must really miss me!!! He misses me so much that he has to hit on every other female in his office to take his mind off the wonderful affair we were having!!!" do you hear?? :lmao:

 

TheDiva is so right - it passes (I have to admit that each time I have a relapse the intensity is less strong).

 

It's actually been a couple of weeks that I'm *almost* not thinking about MM - I got a little crush on someone else, which helped a lot. :D

 

Now, if there is any guy around that is interesting enough to be worth of your attention... that would help. Unfortunately you can't just decide whom you'll fancy, or get a crush on, or fall in love with next.

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She is also married. And I hate to accuse her if nothing is going on. This is the MM that has a lot of female friends - which I always thought was strange. And when I say a lot, I mean pretty much ONLY.

 

But if something IS going on, the evil, petty side of me hopes it blows up and I get a ring side seat!:D

 

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

 

Maybe you could sell tickets I have a wrestling ring you can use too! :laugh:

 

 

I'm awful I know :o

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BenThereDunThat
Now, that's a really deep, insightful conversation they were having.

he sounds so witty!!! No, really. He was really trying to impress her, he must have been working a lot on those lines!!!

I can understand why you are jealous - I would fall for for a guy who can be so challenging and charming as this!! :bunny: :bunny: :bunny:

 

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: I know!! How retarded is it that stupid little exchange had any affect on me at all?

 

 

 

I'm sorry that you are seeing things from a different perspective than the one you had when you were stuck in the affair.

And yet I'm glad that you are.

You might like a lot less what you are seeing, but you have a much wider perspective - and you can grasp the *real* situation much better.

 

You got it. As much as today's little show stung, it was nothing compared to what I went through when I had basically taken out my brain and handed it over to him. I mean really, I was miserable!

 

Have you ever been to Athens, Greece?

If you get a postcard from Athens it will show the Acropolis.

You might wonder why postacards from Athens always show the Acropolis and why the pics in the postcards are all taken from the same angle, but it is more likely that you'll just assume that the whole city is as pretty to see as the little bit shown in the postcard.

 

Looking at MM from the stuck-into-the-affair perspective is like looking at Athen's Acropolis from that particular angle they took the postcard picture from.

Looking at MM from this new perspective is like looking at the whole city ladscape. It might be a disappointment....but you see so much more...and finally have wide-angle lenses instead of those pretty, rose tinted ones.... :)

 

(hey, no offence to any LSers that are from Athens. I actually loved the city once I was in it.

As who has been in an affair will actually learn to really like her new perspective on things!!!)

 

Love this analogy! Makes great sense.

 

 

 

I am afraid we are following the mainstream here.

How many "oh, MM must really miss me!!! He misses me so much that he has to hit on every other female in his office to take his mind off the wonderful affair we were having!!!" do you hear?? :lmao:

 

TheDiva is so right - it passes (I have to admit that each time I have a relapse the intensity is less strong).

 

It's actually been a couple of weeks that I'm *almost* not thinking about MM - I got a little crush on someone else, which helped a lot. :D

 

Now, if there is any guy around that is interesting enough to be worth of your attention... that would help. Unfortunately you can't just decide whom you'll fancy, or get a crush on, or fall in love with next.

 

Can't wait to meet some decent guys, that will be a huge help. I've had offers, but I no longer have the desire to go on a date just to 'get myself out there' anymore. I'm not sitting at home though, thankfully. I still have friends who are able to go out - and being 37 that's hard to do!

 

(is it just me, or am I rambling?) lol

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I've been doing NC for at least a month now. Except for the small amount of chatting we do at work, usually about work, I have been very successful. While I still think about him from time to time, I am not having a hard time with it at all.

 

Why then did the sight of seeing him come back from lunch with another woman from our office - who is not even in our department, doesn't work on any of the same accounts - set me off? I actually got sick to my stomach.

 

No responses necessary (unless you feel like it!) just venting so I can get it out of my system and out of my head!

 

You're not REALLY in a state of 'No Contact'. Chatting is "contact". Seeing someone across the room... is "contact" of a sort because it's triggering a response.

 

If you quit smoking, you're just asking for trouble if you have an "occasional" cigarette. And if you see somebody else smoking.... hey, it's liable to make you want to smoke too.

 

Maybe your best bet is to look at MM like a former 'addiction', and do whatever you can to avoid any "triggers". :confused:

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BenThereDunThat
The good news is

 

It passes :bunny:

 

The bad news is

It takes time :(

 

Which do you want to be more a diva or a doormat?

 

Definitely a DIVA! :cool:

 

You're right. I made it through the toughest part, this is just some residual shavings I need to sweep away.

 

I'm glad I had this place to come to and vent - no way would I want him seeing that have any affect on me!

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BenThereDunThat
You're not REALLY in a state of 'No Contact'. Chatting is "contact". Seeing someone across the room... is "contact" of a sort because it's triggering a response.

 

If you quit smoking, you're just asking for trouble if you have an "occasional" cigarette. And if you see somebody else smoking.... hey, it's liable to make you want to smoke too.

 

Maybe your best bet is to look at MM like a former 'addiction', and do whatever you can to avoid any "triggers". :confused:

 

LJ - I hear ya, absolutely. I'm definitely not completely NC in that regard. But, I am glad we got to a point where we can turn a corner and not have to worry about freaking out if we run into each other. I am very comfortable with being able to handle the mundane, inane convos you have with co-workers. Unfortunately, our desks are mere feet away from each other.

 

I love my job, and leaving would mean a less exciting, lower paying job.

 

I worked very hard to get to this point with him. (an added bonus is that it boosted my confidence tremendously).

 

Like I said, just some residual shavings. I know I'll buck up and get past the jealousy issue as well. Hell, I'm halfway there now. Just being able to get it out helps a lot.

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I know I'll buck up and get past the jealousy issue as well. Hell, I'm halfway there now. Just being able to get it out helps a lot.

 

I'm sure you will, hon. I recognize a "vent" when I see one. Just remember though that you don't have to make any apologies for implementing BOUNDARIES. ;)

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Wow!

 

I asked a lady at work out a couple of months ago. She said "no," I didn't pursue further, but we're still friends.

 

Last week I started talking to another lady at work quite a bit (nothing but idle chit-chat, our kids know each other.) The first one started acting much "cooler" to me about the same time. Now I'm wondering if there's a connection.:confused:

 

(My LS "handle" wasn't chosen entirely in jest.)

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Wow!

 

I asked a lady at work out a couple of months ago. She said "no," I didn't pursue further, but we're still friends.

 

Last week I started talking to another lady at work quite a bit (nothing but idle chit-chat, our kids know each other.) The first one started acting much "cooler" to me about the same time. Now I'm wondering if there's a connection.:confused:

 

(My LS "handle" wasn't chosen entirely in jest.)

 

Lemme guess, you are kind of clueless? :)

 

 

You are like a toy. One that number 1 woman didn't want to play with until she saw another woman playing with that toy... ;)

 

Or she turned you down cause she knows you are married, and now thinks you are a @ss :p

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Lemme guess, you are kind of clueless? :)
Only kind of? Why, you flatter me!:lmao:

You are like a toy. One that number 1 woman didn't want to play with until she saw another woman playing with that toy... ;)

 

Or she turned you down cause she knows you are married, and now thinks you are a @ss :p

Do I get to choose?;) (And she's always known I was married.)

 

Well, I don't think she thinks I'm an @$$. She just seems preoccupied, not as chatty or quick to smile as usual. When I ask if anything's wrong or what's on her mind, she says "nothing." Before, I felt like we could tell each other anything.

 

Thinking about it, I doubt she's jealous either. She could just be going through a "mood" and I'm worrying too much.

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It's a knee jerk reaction sweetie. Normal under the circumstances that you were once that OW. Aren't you proud and glad that you aren't anymore? What goes around comes around and the more he messes up the worse it will be for him when it happens. If it helps any I'm proud of the way you are handling this. It will get better. As long as you have a conscience the way you seem to do then I have full faith you will be stronger for all of the bulls**t. Hugs.

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BenThereDunThat

Thanks, Justice. That really does mean a lot coming from you - knowing all the bull sh*t you went through yourself.

 

(((hugs))) to you!

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BenThereDunThat
Wow!

 

I asked a lady at work out a couple of months ago. She said "no," I didn't pursue further, but we're still friends.

 

Last week I started talking to another lady at work quite a bit (nothing but idle chit-chat, our kids know each other.) The first one started acting much "cooler" to me about the same time. Now I'm wondering if there's a connection.:confused:

 

(My LS "handle" wasn't chosen entirely in jest.)

 

UM....DUH!!!.....

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:o I've been there. Even if it was so long ago, I still remember all the ugly feelings in the aftermath of the A. Seeing MM trying to entice another OW into their beds is soo :sick: It made me get that sick 'I-ain't-so-special-afterall' slap in the face. And instead of anger it made me feel horrible. Everything I thought we had together felt so cheap. :rolleyes: But in an ultimate revenge way, I lived and learned. I must thank him for opening a young girls eyes to the ways of the <typical> MM. Now when a man with a ring comes 'round with sweet words, I roll my eyes and tell him I am taken myself but if I were single he would be the LAST man I would consider. :sick:

 

I know it hurts, but be glad his attentions are focusing elsewhere. That poor woman...She has no clue what she is in for :(

 

Your post is exactly how I was feeling not so long ago. I couldn't understand why I was having those feelings. I knew I didn't want him but still couldn't control that sick feeling in my stomach everytime I would see him giggling with another woman or when he drove his wifes car to work ...that drove me mad.

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Only kind of? Why, you flatter me!:lmao:

 

Do I get to choose?;) (And she's always known I was married.)

 

Well, I don't think she thinks I'm an @$$. She just seems preoccupied, not as chatty or quick to smile as usual. When I ask if anything's wrong or what's on her mind, she says "nothing." Before, I felt like we could tell each other anything.

 

Thinking about it, I doubt she's jealous either. She could just be going through a "mood" and I'm worrying too much.

 

 

IME men love to pretend to be clueless. Don't have to do as much work then. ;)

 

I figured she already knew you were married, but married or no, your attention is directed at yet another woman. :p There ain't nothing that makes a man more attractive than competition for his attention. Another woman wants him? HMMMM maybe he has some worth? :lmao:

 

<I'm j/k with ya :p >

 

Or maybe it's the ever present PMS...

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IME men love to pretend to be clueless. Don't have to do as much work then. ;)
I'll confess, I've pretended before to get information or find out what people know, but not in this case. It just never occurred to me that she might be jealous. I asked her out once, she said "yes" then changed her mind, we had a short awkward period, then were back to "best buddies" again. She really is one of my best friends, one of only two folks (outside of LS) that knows about my marital problems.

I figured she already knew you were married, but married or no, your attention is directed at yet another woman. :p There ain't nothing that makes a man more attractive than competition for his attention. Another woman wants him? HMMMM maybe he has some worth? :lmao:

Should I make it clear to her that I have no interest in that other lady?

 

You ladies are wayyy to complicated!:confused::D

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BenThereDunThat
Should I make it clear to her that I have no interest in that other lady?

 

You ladies are wayyy to complicated!:confused::D

 

Not unless you can do it without letter her know that's what you're doing. Because if she thinks you're worried she's jealous of the attention you're giving to the other gal (whether it's true or not) and that you feel the need to reassure her, she'll think you're full of yourself.

 

Yes, I know, we're complicated. We like it that way!:cool:

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I'm the only female at work, and i must say, i get jealous if other women try to "move in" on my territory. Those are MY boys, and i'll defend them. Granted, i don't want any of them but my MM, but i'm still protective.

 

The guys tease me and say "stillhere doesn't like any other female p*ssin on her tree stump". It's a huge joke with us.

 

They are very protective of me as well. We had some guys from another company working very closely with us for a few days, and i was getting hit on left and right. My boss looked right at one guy and said "hey, that's my sister and stay the hell away from her!" We're not related at all, and i didn't even know he had said this to him until later, but it made me smile. He was looking out for me.

 

Stoopid Guy, since you two are buddies, maybe she feels the same way as me. Not saying that she doesn't want to be with you sexually, but maybe she is being a little territorial.

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