IrishEyes Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 I am new to this forum. I just had a very brief affair with a married man and I feel so horrible about it. Every part of it makes me sick to my stomach, but mostly I'm sick that I was as stupid as I was. Incredible! We are both involved in a local community group. We met six months ago and a few months back we both realized there was an attraction there. He was fairly persistent and I kept reminding him (both of us actually) that he was married. He said he could drive across the country with me and survive. When I asked what the heck that meant he said "Well, it's a marriage requirement" I said "Too bad you already have a wife". These types of conversations went on and on, but the long and short of it was, he led me to believe that things were not good at home (I told you I wasn't terribly bright in this situation). I won't bore you with all the details, but for over a month I kept responding the same way and then I just got sick of it. I lost my head. It happened twice, the group we both belong to was on a weekend trip and we were in a hotel room with no one else around. I can't even believe I put myself in this situation. The funny (and I use that term very loosely) part is that once it happened, he was all of a sudden happily married to a phenomenal woman. I got upset. Not because of what he was saying necessarily, just that I totally fell for his lines and it was all nonsense. If I had removed my emotions from the situation, I would have realized quickly that of course it was all nonsense. How could I have been so stupid? Basically, I just wondered if you had any tips for how to get over someone like this and move on with your life. His personality is infectious and totally manipulative but in a way it was almost addictive. I miss him even though I don't want to at all. It's a terrible situation and I wish I could have seen through him or at least been strong enough to stand my ground. I just messed up and I wish it never happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 Basically, I just wondered if you had any tips for how to get over someone like this and move on with your life. His personality is infectious and totally manipulative but in a way it was almost addictive. I miss him even though I don't want to at all. It's a terrible situation and I wish I could have seen through him or at least been strong enough to stand my ground. I just messed up and I wish it never happened. Hello there. I posted a few urls in a message I made earlier in the week, that you might find useful. It's so good that you can see that he is 'infectious' and manipulative... AND the best thing is that you KNOW you messed up... you can feel that gut feeling of having trusted someone who was untrustworthy... and you can really build on those things. I am pretty sure others will come along with more specific comments. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
bunset Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 HI IE, welcome. I wish I could give you more specific advice about how to get over him, but I'm working on that myself Anyway, I am hopeful you can do it, because the A was brief... plus you are having the negative feelings about it, and that WILL help. Don't beat yourself up, and find the positive things that you can take away from the experience, too. I recommend that you establish No Contact. Read a few books about relationships and as much as you can about the aftermath of affairs, here. I hope this helps, and you feel welcome among some of the wonderful, admirable people in this forum. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 What a pig this guy is! If I were you I would treat him like it never happened and try to look right past him. He got what he wanted from you and is a user. You deserve much better. I truly would start treating him as if the "one night stand" never happened. Then he will think he wasn't even good enough (in bed) for you to remember. Let him see how it feels. Link to post Share on other sites
Author IrishEyes Posted June 29, 2006 Author Share Posted June 29, 2006 Thanks for your replies. I know intellectually that he is a total pig and I should just forget about him. So why then can I not stop thinking about him for five minutes? The whole situation is making me physically ill. I try not to let myself think about it because I get sick thinking about the damage that this could have caused to his family. But the dumb, emotional part of me misses him. How is it possible to know that something is so wrong and you're being so stupid, and not be able to stop it? I'm in way over my head and I really need to snap out of it. I want to be able to move on and just forget the whole thing, but I'm afraid that I'm not going to be able to. I know that I deserve more than this, I just have to get over him. And it's hard. I know I will see him at some point, and I need to be strong enough to stay away. Help? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 1, 2006 Share Posted July 1, 2006 was the sex good though? Link to post Share on other sites
cheeks1 Posted July 1, 2006 Share Posted July 1, 2006 It hurts. really bad. I know. Just stay away from him. You will be happy again. You will meet someone else. To tell you the truth, its been 2 yrs and I still have thoughts of calling him. He was my best friend. I actually wonder if he is ok sometimes. But I automatically start remembering all the pain he caused. Reverse the situation and think of yourself treating another that way. You wouldn't right? He's not worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
bunset Posted July 1, 2006 Share Posted July 1, 2006 was the sex good though? I doubt that this poster understands why we are here. If this poster is just here out of curiosity and voyeurism.... Well some of us will share (even if the truth hurts) In my case... HELL YES! Better than I ever dreamed, (he's said so too) which is just a small part of the complex equation that adds up to the situation many of us have found ourselves in. The sum of all the parts equals major trauma for someone, usually everyone, including 'innocents'. I would hope that such a price to be paid would have had some return on the investment. Now, what can you compare it to??? Link to post Share on other sites
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